“For the ones who don’t know, ‘Liebster’ is a German word which means ‘dearest/nicest’.
First, allow me to thank Let’s Talk Depression for nominating me for this honor. I appreciate it immensely. While I’ve made my career as a writer dating back to my first real newspaper job as a senior in high school, I’ve only been blogging a few months. I know pornography addiction isn’t exactly a fun topic, but when I realized just how off-the-radar it is for the general public, I thought I could help try to spark a discussion. In a month or so, I’ll have a book coming out that is far more memoir than self-help. If you follow this blog, you’ll be the first to find out when it will be released.
I like this award because it calls attention to blogs you may not know exist, but also allows you to learn a little bit about the person behind the blog. I have my nominees for this award further down. I hope you’ll visit this diverse mix of quality work. If I nominated you, the rules on how to pay it forward are listed there as well.
One of the tasks is to answer 10 questions posed by the person who nominated you. Here goes:
What prompted you to start a blog?
My life imploded big-time toward the end of 2013 and start of 2014. Various addictions, mental health issues, a crumbling family life, a business that was dying and demons from my past resurfacing all collided into one magnificent shit show. I did things completely out of character for myself, including manipulating a teenage girl to please herself on her webcam for me. I spent the next several years working on my mental health and figuring out how everything went so wrong. Two rehab stints, a ton of therapy and six months in jail have done more good for me than I ever would have imagined. I know there are other people who are suffering with porn addiction, and like every addiction, it escalates. You need more. You need different. But unlike many addictions, nobody talks about porn addiction. It’s time to start and this blog is my contribution to the conversation.
What is your goal for this blog?
I would like it to be a place where the general public could come and learn some basics and see that porn addicts aren’t immoral, evil people or complete losers who live in their mom’s basement. Statistics suggest porn addiction, especially online porn addiction is far more rampant than you could imagine…but nobody talks about it. I hope the non-addict can see this site as a place where the curtain is pulled back. For the person who may be wondering if their an addict, or the person who is well aware they are, I hope this can be a judgement-free zone where they are free to be open about who they are. I hope they realize they are not alone. My long-term hope is that I can become a louder voice and a leading voice in the porn addiction community.
What is your dream job?
It’s very Office Space of me, but my dream job is to not have a job. I have probably loved 97% of my working life since I was 17 years old. This also led me to being a workaholic. I don’t think I have a dream job, but it is one where I feel like I’m contributing something positive to the world, enjoy what I’m doing, feel challenged and make enough money to not worry about my living expenses.
What is the best thing that has come out of you starting a blog?
I think it’s the sense of community. Not just among pornography addicts, addicts in general or the mental health community, but even just the average person who takes a look at the blog and recognizing what I’m trying to do. I burned a lot of people in my area on my way to rock bottom and many will never have the capacity to either forgive, understand what happened or understand what I’m trying to do now. That’s OK. That’s their right. It’s just a little discouraging when you live in the middle of it. On here I have people from all over the world who “get it” and that’s what keeps me inspired to keep going.
How much time a day do you spend on your blog?
I usually do one post a week that I write over the weekend and post on Monday. I spend some time at The Community Pool on Monday as well, finding new blogs, giving feedback to those who ask and trying to get a little feedback of my own. If something is really digging at me, I’ll post again, but far more of my time after Monday is spent reading other people’s work.
What is the best advise you have for new bloggers?
First, do it for yourself. If this is a vehicle for fame, attention or money, there are far easier ways to find all three. On a technical side, take care of the website part of things. When I see an unfinished About section or somebody who just leaves the widgets untouched, I rarely follow. On a content side, have something to say. Don’t start a blog for the sake of it. The first Monday I have nothing to say, I won’t post that day. If you’re just doing it for the sake of it, go use social media. It’s the place for inane chatter.
Where do you see your blog in 5 years?
This is starting to feel like a job interview. Hopefully with the same mission it has now, just reaching exponentially more people.
What do you define love as?
The source of all positive energy in the universe.
If you could inspire just one person, what would you tell them?
I was honored to give the commencement address at my former high school in 2013. I thought it was a pretty inspiring speech. You can watch it HERE.
Are you having fun in life?
My brand of fun hasn’t always been healthy, so that’s not exactly my criteria for happiness anymore. I simply try to find what is fascinating and interesting, even in the worst situations. Jail sucks, but you meet some fascinating people. The recovery process is often painful, but always interesting. I look at this world the way I looked at it when I was 5 years old, with awe and wonder. As long as I’m able to do that, i’ll be OK.
I nominate the following blogs for the Liebster Award. If you’ve been nominated before, consider it like an Oscar and not chickenpox…you’re allowed to get it more than once. I thank all of you for bringing honesty, information and entertainment into my life on a daily basis. I am lucky to have found your voice.
HERE ARE THE RULES:
- Create a new post thanking the person who nominated you, provide a link to their blog.
- Include award graphic.
- Answer the questions provided.
- Make a new set of 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
- Nominate 10 recently followed bloggers and share your post with them so they see it.
YOUR 10 QUESTIONS:
- What was your initial goal in starting your blog?
- Has that goal changed? If so, how?
- Do you see yourself blogging for years to come?
- What was the best piece of advice you ever received?
- What is one thing you would like to change about our society?
- If you could magically make a 15-second phone call to the person you were 10 years ago, but not say who you were, what would you say?
- What is the biggest misconception people have about you?
- If you could go back and do things differently, would you? When would that be, knowing that from that point forward, everything you’ve experienced will change?
- What is a great movie that you think doesn’t get enough credit?
- Nietzsche said: “That which is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.” What do you think he meant by that?
Once again, I’d like to thank Let’s Talk Depression for nominating me. This was a fun exercise on a day I have been avoiding real work.