Pacing Myself Has Never Been My Strong Suit

Last spring, I was burnt out. I had just experienced a prolonged bout of anxiety, worse than any I ever had. It sent me away from this site for a while and through the first five months of the year, I posted on here as much as I did in an average week these days.

Behind the scenes, I was in a particular busy cycle with my freelance writing/ghostwriting career and I was putting the finishing touches on the first draft of the book that will be released on December 1. When it came to writing this blog however, I just wasn’t feeling it.

So, around Memorial Day, I made the decision to shut it down. I was done with the book, it was in the editor’s hands, I didn’t feel like telling my story for the 300th time on a podcast and I was out of ideas to write about, or simply didn’t want to put in the effort when it came to my website. I found somebody who would produce a few guest columns for me and I only posted one all summer, when I came off of probation in July. I went on vacation for the month of August and largely forgot that this site existed.

I had to play catch-up upon returning, so the first couple weeks of September were a little slow on here, but the book had progressed to a point where real progress was made and a release date was set. Having not told my story for around 4 months, I agreed to appear on a couple of podcasts and, rather unplanned, I started posting here every day. That may have had to do with a spike in the manic side of my bipolar, but either way, I was producing more content then ever.

Here we are, two months later and I’m not getting fatigued in the least. I recorded one podcast last night, already recorded one this morning (you can watch HERE, just fast-forward to 1:02 to get to my part) and I’m recording one tonight. I also have two to record tomorrow. I’m also creating a website post every day and doing a few other things to prepare for the release of the book.

Yeah, the freelance/ghostwriting thing is slow right now, and I’m not pursuing much new work, so that’s a drawback, but I’m not starving yet and my bills are getting paid. I’m just not saving money.

In my burnout last spring, I said that I could never put the energy into promoting a book, or simply continue to put the energy into spreading the message of porn addiction that I had in the first half of 2018. I didn’t want to go back to that marathon, but here I am and I’m pushing twice as hard. Granted, I feel like I’ve helped create a book that will do far more good and reach far more people than my memoir did, but I’m starting to recognize I should put some limitations on myself.

I think next week, I’m going to refrain from posting on Thanksgiving, and maybe the day before or after, and I won’t write something and schedule it in advance. I think that I’ll make sure not to do any podcasts for a few days before Christmas or a few days after. It’s dawning on me that I’ve never been great with balance. I find a project, I fall in love with it, and I work it hard. Stepping back and taking breaks is going to be a learning process, but it’s one I intend to succeed at so I can continue to do this work. Hopefully someday this will pay off monetarily, but it feels very purpose-driven either way. I just have to convince myself to maintain balance for that purpose.

11 thoughts on “Pacing Myself Has Never Been My Strong Suit

  1. Balance is key! I know that and then there is putting the words into action. I think it’s good you have a clear plan when not to post and also not to write and than plan it. Smart move to balance the energy and creativity. The podcasts seem fun to do. Are they?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve always enjoyed talking about myself, so it certainly scratches that itch. When the host is very unprepared or it is very low-budget, low-tech and appears as much, it’s not as fun. I know in these cases I may only have a few dozen people listening. On the bigger ones I’ve done that have racked up thousands of listens, I’ve enjoyed myself more. It’s a lot of telling of the same stories over and over, but I just have to remember to that host and that audience, it’s the first time they’ve heard me, and things do get changed up a little. Instead of pushing my first book, I’m now pushing my new one.
      I did a podcast about alcoholism for the first 45 minutes a few weeks back and that was interesting because I usually don’t talk about the drinking part of addictions anywhere near as much as the porn. Mixing it up was different.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Seems fun when you can chose what you talk about, like mixing it up, like you said. Sounds frustrating when they interviewer doesn’t get it. But I think you posted once about that experience. Good luck with the book!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, but I also need to stop using “progress” as an excuse when I’m not far enough along on something. I think the bipolar either makes me 100 miles per hour or 0. I need to learn to cruise at 50. Before the meds, it was 300 mph, so at least there is an advantage. For my non-American friends, you can convert to the metric system.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess it all balances out, but a day like today, I haven’t stopped moving since 7 a.m. and it’s 4:30 here now with at least another 2-3 productive hours in front of me. You’d think I could parlay that into tomorrow, but there’s just as strong a chance I sit looking at the computer screen semi-catatonic half the day. You never can tell.

        Liked by 1 person

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