No, the Judge Didn’t Give Me a Raw Deal

I’ve mentioned in this space that long ago, I divorced myself from the debate of whether I got too much or too little jail time for engaging a teenager in a chatroom in 2013 that led to that life caving in and my new life starting. The judge deemed it appropriate I serve 9 months and the system whittled that time down to 6 months and a few days. It was what it was.

I was able to tune out the people who wanted me to rot in jail for the rest of my life – or worse – because they’re coming from an illogical place and don’t understand the facts of the situation. These are the people who make Facebook the loving, nurturing community that it has become in my absence.

I actually find it more difficult when somebody hears my story and then tells me, “That’s a bunch of bull crap. You shouldn’t have got any time” and then proceed to lay out a case for me not doing jail time based on what I did. I appreciate the defense, but it’s really uncomfortable. In many ways, I feel like they minimize, rationalize and even justify what I did. I always have to step in and remind them that I broke the law.

When this conversation happens in the context of an interview, I feel painted into a corner. From a selfish, individual point of view, did I want to go jail? Hell, no. Did I understand the rationale of giving me some jail time? On a very objective level, yes. As the judge in my case said, “Despite a set of extenuating circumstances, I can’t give you no jail time. People can’t do what you did and not serve some time.”

I never had it out for the police, the lawyers, the judge, CPS, the guards at jail or anybody else on “the other side” of my legal ordeal. I got myself into that situation by doing the wrong thing to such a level the government has to step in and get involved. I’m OK with that. Some of the guards were assholes. The CPS person who interviewed the kids scared the hell out of them. I understand they all have jobs though, and those jobs are to protect people and I’m glad they’re there.

It gets especially uncomfortable for me when the person starts attacking the teenage girl who was my victim. I don’t know a lot about her. I know she exposed herself in chat rooms with other men, and I do know that she had the kind of body type that one could mistake her for being older than she was. Despite these two pieces of information, it doesn’t let me off the hook for what I did. She still had a teenager’s brain and I showed no discretion.

Ideally, I never would be in a chatroom like that, but I should have been able to say to myself, “Like many females out there, this is one who looks older than she might be and I shouldn’t talk to her.” By that point, I had pulled myself off my mental health medication and my understanding of consequences, logic, etc. were fuzzy, especially with the alcohol. I made the incorrect decision to engage her in the devious activities I conducted with women of age.

There is no defending that. Don’t tell me I got a bad deal and that she was asking for it. Don’t tell me that she played me as much as I played her. Don’t tell me that despite my horrible manipulation of her, it was all in her control. This was a teenage girl and I did a heinous thing to her. Can I name 100 things that would have been more heinous? Sure, but that doesn’t let me off the hook for what I did. Victim blaming makes things worse, not better.

I appreciate those who try to come to my defense for me. I understand your heart is probably in the right place, but it doesn’t make me feel like the cheated victim of the system you may feel that I am. I got what I deserved. She didn’t get what she deserved.

8 thoughts on “No, the Judge Didn’t Give Me a Raw Deal

      1. I very much doubt there was internet when you were her age, so no, you cannot really blame your parents for this. They couldn’t predict this futuristic technology.
        Kids these days have too much freedom. And these “I can act like I want and I can wear what I want” is destroying the youth. Especially girls.

        But that’s just my opinion😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. While I agree with your opinion of the fashion choices of today’s youth and wonder why parents don’t interject more, the reality is, these teen girls could walk around in bikinis 24/7 and they’re still not “asking for it.”

        I read an article recently talking about the “MeToo” movement. It highlighted some of the first female celebrities who came out sharing their stories. The thesis of the article was that the women who experienced anywhere from sexual harassment to rape were also the kind of women who took roles where sexuality was a main component of the character. The writer showed that these women appeared either topless/nude or in sexual situations far more than the averages in Hollywood. Because they put out this “open to sex” vibe, the writer said it sent a mixed message to the producers/writers/directors who have been accused of bad behavior.

        I think that’s a bunch of crap. Nobody should be intimidated or attacked at work. Strippers have just as many rights as social workers, despite their “immoral standing” in the community.

        The girl I exploited clearly had issues, but those issues didn’t mean exploiting her was any more OK than exploiting any other teenager.


  1. I imagine that, sans imprisonment, there’s at least a chance you might not be the much-needed “voice in the wilderness” urging folks to evaluate their dependence upon porn that you are today. Your punishment lends legitimacy to your warnings.

    Liked by 1 person

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