A Tale of Two Interview Experiences

Call me crazy, but I have come to believe that one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to talk about pornography addiction. With every interview I give, it becomes a little clearer to me that I’m supposed to create awareness for those have none and be a voice of hope for those who are dealing with it. I know it sounds simultaneously spiritual, egotistical and insane, but it feels more genuine and authentic than few things I’ve done in my life prior.

I rarely say no to interviews because my feeling is I should be flattered and honored if somebody wants to give me a few moments on their radio show or podcast. They have worked to cultivate an audience that neither my book nor message may reach if I don’t take the opportunity.

Sometimes this leads to what the Ancient Egyptians called clusterf*cks. And sometimes it leads to a great exchange that I walk away re-energized from, ready to continue spreading the message. I had both happen to me over the last week.

About a month ago, someone sent an email identifying himself from a radio show and asked if I’d appear a few weeks down the road. I did a Google search to confirm it was a real show and a real radio station, then said OK.

I followed the call-in instructions. Aside from guest booker, I have no idea what role he plays in the show. I was put on the air with a very religious evangelical preacher lady.

The first couple minutes went OK as she “mmm-hmmm”ed and “Amen”ed her way through my story. I started to push the conversation toward the public health part of my message, sharing statistics and she started making up her own truths. I tried to be polite, while saying I couldn’t confirm her information. She then launched into a judgmental piece on pornography itself…how the content is disgusting.

Internally, I don’t disagree, but I also know my battle isn’t against pornography itself. It’s not against the industry and it’s not against what material specifically “does it” for you. My message is it doesn’t matter what the pornography specifically is, it’s all about the addiction and I think judging people on what they like is part of the problem of secrecy. When you condemn someone’s tastes, they’re not going to confide when they decide to look for help.

We moved on from this and she started asking me to quote Scripture. Those of you who read my site regularly know I’m spiritual, but have many issues with the religion I was raised in. I tried to be polite and decline for fear of misquoting, but by this point, I felt backed into a corner. I said I think spirituality plays a role in recovery for most, but the few verses I can quote have more to do with reading prayer cards and signs at sports events.

She ended the interview casting out the demons of addiction in all of her listeners. Suffice to say, we’re all cured now.

I thanked her and went on my way, but for most of the day, I wondered if it was my fault for not doing a deeper due diligence about the show and I should have known what I was getting myself into, or if this guy was intentionally vague about the show, both being the host and the subject matter.

Maybe it helped somebody. Maybe it was the most effective interview I’ve done. But, geez, it left me feeling like something just didn’t click and it’s not like on live radio I can say stop and have a discussion.

On the flip side of the coin, there are those that I do and feel like I want the world to listen because we hit every beat and delivered the message in an easy-to-understand and hopefully entertaining format.

I recorded a video podcast with a pair of doctors last week that was posted over the weekend and while I rarely listen to the podcasts I appear on except to hear the quality, I was actually sucked into this one and listened.

The show was called The Mental Breakdown and unlike many interviewers (probably 95%), they had read the book, so they could ask questions about my story that were interesting. I’ll answer the prompt, “Tell me about your book…” all day long, but when the host can tell me about my book, it’s a much better interview for the listeners. The host should be a guide for the audience, who knows nothing about me, not just another member of the audience learning everything for the first time. That’s part of the reason I try to send materials in advance. Even if they don’t read the book, they can know some information.

I guess it felt more like a conversation than a question-and-answer session. I’m including the links below, both the video and the audio. If you have any time, or you’ve been looking for one thing I’ve done to listen to, this is it.

The book has seen an uptick in sales over the last two weeks. Thank you to anybody who purchased it. As of writing this, Amazon is offering it at 11% off. Random, huh? Click HERE to buy.

Audio Only from ITunes

 

Check out my feature story in ‘Recovery Today’ magazine

I was honored and excited to write a story for this month’s issue of Recovery Today magazine that dropped on March 1. Whether you have alcoholism, drug issues, an eating disorder, sex addiction, gambling addiction, etc., this magazine is a great read. I highly urge you to visit the App Store or Google Play to get it.

If you’d like to see the entire issue, click Recovery Today Latest Isssue for a PDF.

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This is Not How I Thought It Would Feel

Most of you are probably sick to death of me mentioning my book, but I wanted to comment on the conflicting feelings, both emotional and physical, its release is causing me. On a completely objective level, as someone fascinated by human behavior, it’s been interesting to experience. On a personal level, it’s a roller coaster I can’t say I’m enjoying.

For those who are new to my story, my book, The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About: How I Let My Pornography Addiction Hurt People and Destroy Relationships was released January 10. Buy a copy for every day of the week!

So, I’ve been told 95% of the books produced today are self-published. It’s great that this is possible as it gets so much more knowledge and experience into the world. It also keeps the book alive in the age of the Internet. But, there are many writers, editors and executives in the publishing industry who believe self-publishing comes with a certain stigma. This stigma is why I looked for 4 months before I found a publisher who would tell my story the way I wanted. I could have self-published much earlier.

Of the 5% of books that are actually published, only about 10% of those ever see a shelf in a bookstore. Unfortunately, the book store – like encyclopedias, travel agents, newspapers and stationery stores – are dying in our increasingly digital world. This means only about 1 out of 200 books ever sees a shelf in any bookstore.

Today, I found out my book is going to be in at least one store. By the end of the week, I’ll likely have more. It’s surreal…and utterly nauseating.

Yesterday, I finally received my author’s copies of the books. I won’t explain why there was a mix-up, but there are people who ordered the book on Amazon who got it before I ever had an actual copy of my book. Now, I sit here, with several copies next to me. The thing that I poured 18 months of my life into is here…and it’s real. It’s not just on a screen. I’m vulnerable in a way I’ve never known. The closest feeling is when you wake up from that dream where you’re naked walking around high school.

Over the last 10 days, I’ve been doing a lot of media for the book, much of which hasn’t yet been released, and that’s going to continue for a while. It feels like there are two people being interviewed. There’s the guy who has the story in the book about his descent to rock bottom and implosion of his life with porn addiction being the central theme and then there’s the guy who can rattle off statistics and provide factual information and resources about the addiction. That first guy wants to vomit when people are asking hard questions about what he went through. The second guy is cool, calm and collected.

There’s also the proximity to where I’m doing interviews. Yesterday morning, I did a call-in interview with a radio show in Napa Valley, California. I think that’s roughly 3,000 miles away. When it was over, I moved on with my day. When my hometown newspaper did a short article and the largest TV news station in Maine did a story, my stomach was in knots, especially immediately before the stories were released. Thankfully, I was happy with the way both turned out.

I follow the Amazon Best Seller Rank listings like it’s the stock market. Am I up? Am I down. One hour I’m listed worldwide at 73,492 and the next it’s 240,314. Oh, no! I’m dropping. Then the next hour it’s up to 111,845…we’re gaining again! Then there are all the sub-categories. For the last week, I’ve consistently been the third best-selling new sexual recovery book. That’s a very specific audience…but can I officially say it’s a “best seller”?

I don’t know how to regulate my feelings, be it emotional or physical, with this. I have a feeling my bipolar meds are like, “Dude, chill…we can only work so hard.”

I know I don’t have an international best-seller on my hands. I’ll be lucky to sell a couple thousand. It’s a taboo topic with a limited audience. I know in a year I’ll probably be shopping my next book around to publishers and not thinking a lot about this one.

For now though, it’s an awesome experience…and makes me want to puke.

My First Television Interview Is Now Available to Watch

They say the camera ads 10 pounds, so just subtract that from what you see. They also say it’s all about the editing. While it’s always really hard to hear other people tell my story, I don’t think I could have asked them to do a better job with this interview. It was scary waiting to see how a 40-minute interview would be boiled down to 2 minutes, but I’m pleased with the outcome… Click Here to Watch

Today is the Day I Never Thought Would Arrive

So, this is it…no more rewriting, editing, pre-sale, debating whether or not to chicken out and pull the whole plug during the pre-sale. As of this morning, January 10, 2018, my memoir is available to the public and has begun shipping to those who have already ordered it. There is no turning back from telling my story now.

When I was a little kid, one of my first career goals was to be an author of books. At that point, I was going to create some kind of series with clever character like my favorite authors Judy Blume or Beverly Clearly did. I would never have guessed that it would take 30 years and be a non-fiction book about my descent into pornography addiction.

I would have been excited about the premise for much of the book. I launch a successful magazine in my hometown, win in my first attempt at public office and co-create what MovieMaker Magazine once called one of the “25 Coolest Film Festivals in America.” Never would I have imagined I could have so royally destroyed things.

Immediately after I was arrested, I thought to myself, “If I could have actually tried to screw things up worse, could I?” At that point, in my self-loathing and self-pity, I didn’t think so.

I saw myself as a guy who never addressed the demons of abuse from being a little kid, let himself develop a hefty alcohol problem, became a raging narcissist, alienated my family, ignored my well-established mental health needs and watched as a business I worked hard to create circled the drain. Oh yeah, and I began talking to women in chat rooms, sometimes leading to inappropriate sexual exchanges. Thank God the police got involved or I’d be dead.

Today, with this book on the market after more than 18 months of work, it’s my first major step toward setting things right. I have many goals with the book but the overall theme of those goals is to spread some good in the world.

I don’t ask much, but if you were ever going to consider picking up one of my books, today is a good time. I don’t know exactly how the book world works, but for whatever reason, both Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com are selling my book today at about 35% off. You can get it for around $11.50. Thanks for giving it some thought.

I Have a Cover!!!

Front CoverI was so psyched to get the cover of my first book sent to me by my publisher over the Christmas holiday. For the first time, it feels very, very real, which is both scary and exciting.

I’ll talk a lot more about the book when it becomes available in January, but from what I can tell, it’s the first memoir about pornography addiction where the author uses his real name and shares the story of ending up in jail for making poor decisions. Many publishers were scared to take on this book, but thankfully Joshua Tree Publishing out of Chicago understood what I was trying to do.

I saw the book typeset for the first time as well. It’s one thing to work on a Microsoft Word document for 18 months, and then it’s another when you see it in a real-life 251 page layout. I think it’s a good length and hopefully will inform and yes, entertain, people as well. It’s not a dry recitation of statistics, nor a graphic tell-all. It’s basically about a guy who seemingly had it all, didn’t see the warning signs he was sick and saw his entire life implode by his bad decision making. The book flashes back to parts of my life that likely contributed to my attitudes toward sexuality, while also chronicling my descent to rock bottom with pornography and alcohol.

It’s ironic that, technically, this is probably by 15th or 16th book. I’ve done a lot of ghostwriting and have released a book under a pseudonym. Despite all of those, this is the one that leaves me feeling raw and exposed for the first time.

I’ll be letting everybody know more about the book release in the upcoming weeks. If anybody knows of particularly good book review blogs, I’d love to hear about them. I need to start making a list for my publisher of where I want promotional copies to be sent. Thanks.