Getting Trivial Things Off My Chest – May Edition

I suppose I can announce it here, or maybe it’s not an announcement…not sure how to qualify it. For the last two months I’ve been working on a book proposal with a licensed marriage and family therapist in California who specializes in sex and porn addiction issues. The book is geared toward the partner or significant other of a porn addict who doesn’t know what to do with the revelation the have an addict in their life. This past week we started shopping it to agents. I forgot how much I hate this demeaning part of the process. I imagine it’s what a young actor feels like going to audition after audition. There’s rarely any constructive feedback, usually just flat-out rejection, or they never get back to you. Not sure which one is the rudest. I don’t know if we’ll get an agent this time out because it’s still a very new genre and most agents only make 15%. You’ve got to sell a lot of books to make that worth an agent’s time. I didn’t get an agent on my first book, eventually finding a small indie publisher who liked the idea. I feel better about our chances in that market, but it’s one of those things where if I don’t at least try to get an agent, I’ll never know what could have been.

In case you didn’t read my last entry, I finally decided to start offering porn addiction peer support and advice services. I have just been spending too much time in the last few months giving out a ton of free advice and letting that cut into the time I usually spend bringing money in with freelance writing. Hopefully this will be the best of both worlds. It’s one of those things where a lot of people have told me it’s a good idea, but who knows if it will actually develop into anything. At least I don’t have to feel as guilty not spending two hours every morning not making money. Add up a week of that and you lose more than one of my average work days.

When I finally took a Myers Briggs Test at my second rehab, I had an even score in two of the four areas. The test administrator said she’d only seen that before two or three times. When we had to divide into groups multiple times to discuss the results, she always told me, “Just do whatever you want.” I think that was a big part of what got me there. Anyway, I think there’s a duality in me that creates these kinds of situations. Long story short, I hear “Yanny” and “Laurel.”

Since I’m trying to focus on getting the new book together and opportunities that may arise from the peer support/counseling I’m offering, I’ve made the decision to stop actively promoting my current book. It’s been out for four months and has already far exceeded what I expected to sell for the year. I don’t want to be one of those people in four years who is still hanging his hat on the fact he once wrote a book. I’ll still do podcasts and stuff if I’m asked, but in an effort to be more aware of my time and what it’s worth, I need to look to future plans, not past ones.

The WorldCat library cataloging system says that my book is at Philadelphia’s public library. But I go to their site and can’t find it. City of Brotherly Love? Really? At least there’s 130 other libraries that do have it. Here’s an easy LINK to the page that lists all the libraries. And if you don’t see yours, loudly complain to your local library. That $2.20 royalty isn’t just going to make itself. Gee, maybe I’m not totally done promoting it.

Getting Trivial Things Off My Chest – April Edition

It’s been a month since I’ve written one of those rambling articles with a lot of little items that really don’t deserve their own posting but keep rattling around in my brain. Some are good, some are negative, but it’s time to clear some real estate in my head for other things having to do with porn addiction.

I did my first speaking gig at the Merrimack Public Library in Merrimack, NH, over the weekend. It has shown me that I can speak about this issue in front of people, despite my initial anxiety. It was a program called “Human Library” where an eclectic group of people gather and then library patrons bounce from one to another having 15-minute conversations. Some went better and smoother than others but it was great practice and gave me a fair amount of confidence that I can keep moving forward with this. If you ever see a “Human Library” event in your area, go check it out.

I’ve had three promised podcasts fall through the last couple weeks because the hosts had second thoughts or got busy doing something else. It’s frustrating because while I don’t sell a ton of books because of them, I still sell a few, get to introduce people to my website who didn’t know about it and continue in my recovery by sharing my story. Some of the excuses border on the illogical. One person, who specifically runs a porn recovery podcast worried that my book would be too triggering to his audience. I said that I didn’t think we would be reading from it, but he said he was afraid if they bought it that it would be too triggering. It’s a freakin’ porn recovery podcast. Everybody’s story is going to be triggering! It’s sometimes hard to separate my feelings of frustration, disappointment and rejection when somebody takes something back that they promised.

For some reason, my book has had a spike in sales over the last couple of weeks. If you’ve bought one, thank you, I appreciate it. I’m never going to get rich off it, but just having a handful of sales every week shows future agents and publishers that there is a market for this kind of book. Libraries have also been coming around, which is great. It’s exciting to not only know that it’s in 15 libraries in my home state of Maine, but also in at least another dozen at through the country and growing. If you haven’t bought my book, think of the money you spent on stupid crap last week. This is an interesting story of a guy whose head was too big getting his comeuppance and learning from it. Amazon has also been dropping the book in price here and there, so you can get it for a few dollars off if you’re paying attention. You can get it HERE.

I’ve had a couple of long conversations with my therapist about the time I’m spending working on porn addiction stuff. Like writing this blog, working on the next book, handling marketing and speaking gigs, etc. The thing taking most of my time in this area lately is talking to addicts one-on-one through email. My therapist (and two other people) have suggested to me creating a peer counseling business on the side. If I’m spending two hours a day helping people with their addiction, is it wrong to want to be paid for it, especially if it’s cutting into the time I’d be doing regular work? I’m avoiding paying work right now to write this. I’m on the fence with the idea right now.

The post I did last week with the Q&A had a ton of hits and I got a few questions from people. I answered them immediately, but I’ll be picking one to post later this week or early next week. If you have a question or need advice, drop me a line through the comments, contact page or email me directly.

OK, we’re at 675 words and while I could probably write another dozen of these paragraphs, I feel like I’m a little emptier in the head, which is never a bad thing.