There’s a Reason Even the Best Still Have Coaches…They Work

Technically, I’m a life coach. I took a basic course online about 18 months ago to learn certain techniques of talking to people and helping them reach certain conclusions on their own. I did this to help me as I launched PornAddictCounseling.org which was my first attempt to make a few dollars off of my experience and knowledge of pornography addiction.

I’ve probably worked with 16-18 people at this point, half-and-half between addicts and partners. It’s evolved kind of into a service where I’ll generally listen, provide some basic feedback, but answer a lot of questions and nudge them toward professional therapy. I’m sure my life coaching skills have paid off somehow, but I’ve never tried to be anyone’s life coach.

I realized why after a great telephone call I had the other day with an actual life coach I met through LinkedIn. His name is Joseph F. Price and I cannot recommend him highly enough. I felt completely in focus after our 90-minute call.

If you’d like to learn more about Joseph or engage his services, click HERE.

I wrote a post earlier in the week about stepping back from this blog a bit over the next several weeks to recharge batteries, but Joseph really helped me see that while a recharge of batteries is an absolutely important thing, it’s also important to have a tangible list of goals I’d like to pursue in the new year.

There are days that writing these blogs is tough, and tiring, and I don’t look forward to it. God bless the Guest Post on those days. There are also days where I look at my schedule and see a podcast interview coming up in a few hours and the last thing I’m feeling is the desire to tell my story to a new audience for the 20th time that month.

He helped me ask myself a few important questions about what I get out of the frequent posts on the website or the non-stop grind of podcast interviews and I realized as much as I like helping people, it gives me that low-hanging fruit fix of instant feedback. I write a blog post, I know between 5 and 15 people will have a comment within a couple of hours. I record a podcast and I’ve got instant feedback from the host. I think that I’ve mistaken interacting with anybody in any situation for interacting with the optimal audience in the right situation.

In other words, work smarter, not harder.

I don’t really get to market PornAddictCounseling.org and have never really defined what it is or how I should be positioning it because I’m busy with the other stuff. I don’t look for bigger radio/TV/podcast opportunities because I’m too distracted chasing quantity over quality. I know I need more speaking gigs, but who has time to cultivate that?

I mistakenly value being on five podcasts with 100 listeners each for being on one podcast with 500 listeners. I have been posting daily to this site when, let’s be honest, nobody is going to disappear if I only post three times per week. There is so much I could be doing with the extra time that a reduced podcast and posting schedule would provide that may actually lead to me helping more people, and God forbid, supporting myself.

I always knew this stuff, but having Joseph guide me to saying it out loud and recognizing it to be true was of key importance. He also shared a few models for life-balancing and a few anecdotes to help me understand certain points he was trying to make. In a lot of ways, he seemed like a therapist who didn’t get too hung up on the mental health side of things and focused more on the practical application of living life.

New Year’s Resolution time is coming up. If you’re struggling in any areas, there’s nothing wrong with reaching out and asking for help, even if it’s just help verbalizing what you already know to be true. I may technically be a life coach, but Joseph is the real deal.

Guest Blog: What’s Porn Viewing Doing to Your Brain?

By Joseph F. Price

Are you habitually thinking or fantasizing about sex? Are you always trying to find ways to satisfy your urges and frustrations? Do you get an adrenaline rush from watching pornography? Pornography creates a multitude of chemicals in the brain that are as harmful as doing drugs, and is highly addictive.

Experts indicate phone addiction, internet addiction, and porn addiction combined are going to represent the next health crisis. When, you make the decision to experiment with pornography for sexual pleasure it will have a lasting impact on your brain chemicals, relationships, and mental health.

In the 1980s, a commercial used the analogy of two frying pans and two eggs to explain how a person’s brain looks on drugs. The pan on the left with the raw egg in it represented the natural state of a brain, and the pan on the right showed a fried egg. The caption read: “This is your brain on drugs.” The same analogy can be applied to a person who is using a lot of pornography to stimulate their mind. Except in this case, the egg would be snapping, crackling, and popping on the stove until it is burnt, and the pan is in flames. Porn viewing does this to a person’s brain, spirit, and soul.

Essentially, your brain works like a car engine. There are many mechanisms operating together. Different chemical synapses send signals throughout your body. There is a space, or small gap in our brains where information is transferred between cells. This space is commonly called the synaptic cleft. In order for information to flow, chemical messengers called neurotransmitters are shot across this gap. Think of this like a spark- plug in a car. The neurotransmitter has to make it through this gap in order to spark a thought, or to get your information highway up and running.

There are six major brain chemicals discharged while a person watches porn. Add the additional hormones that are released, and you come up with a highly toxic “neuro-cocktail.”

The first chemical is Dopamine. It is the chemical in charge of your emotions and your thoughts. It is a “feel good” neurotransmitter that “snaps” to attention, when you have a powerful longing for something you have already experienced before. For instance, you have to eat chocolate because it tastes good. Therefore, your brain keeps telling you to eat more of it. The same thing happens when a person watches porn over and over. Dopamine keeps rushing into that area of the brain, and this makes a person addicted because the neurotransmitter indicates that you need more of it. Interestingly, Dopamine plays a major role in memory.  The chemical remembers that the hot, little number in a G-string is just a click away.

The second chemical is Norepinephrine. This chemical sends a “crackling” sensation through the body because it elevates adrenaline. Maybe a couple is having trouble with their sex life, and they want to spice up things in the bedroom. One of them starts watching sex videos to get new ideas. The first time it doesn’t seem to be a problem, but then their mind starts fantasizing about more and more stimulation. Then, people begin to hide their behaviors. They start chatting with girls over the internet, sneaking off to the bathroom to masturbate, and lying to their wives. Of course, it’s their dirty secret, after all. Unfortunately, the individual gets an adrenaline rush from hiding the secret, and this is where the vicious cycle begins.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin work together to cement a person’s “long-term memories to the object that gave him or her sexual pleasure.” Oxytocin is often referred to as the “cuddle hormone.” It is the hormone released when a mother and father first hold their new baby. The hormone connects them to that memory. If this chemical is released during climax it can have a negative impact on a pornography user. The chemical spreads messages to the spectator’s brain that makes him or her become attached or connected to the video, and it prevents them from forming real relationships with one another.

Let’s talk about Endorphins, which are chemicals that make people feel high. Drugs aren’t required to feel on top of the world. It just happens, naturally! You don’t have to go out and buy opiates. They are already available in your head. People, who run and exercise know how awesome these chemicals make them feel. Endorphins are like an aphrodisiac that brings on the desire for sex, and the chemicals start “popping” around in the brain like a drug boosting your libido.

A normal, loving couple should experience a feeling of excitement and happiness during sex, and they usually form a loving connection. When a person constantly stimulates their brain with porn, they are changing the chemistry of these natural endorphins. It is like disconnecting a spark-plug from a reliable source of energy. If you put that plug into the wrong socket, it won’t fire correctly.

“Dr. Judith Reisman called porn an ‘erotoxin,’ theorizing that the brain itself might be damaged while watching porn. She speculated that future brain studies would reveal that the surge of neurochemicals and hormones released when someone watches porn has measurably negative effects on the brain,” (Gilkerson, 2019).

Once sexual participants finish making love there is a calming chemical called Serotonin released into the bloodstream. Humans were never designed to have sex with machines, videos, or other abstract images. People were created for interaction and relationships with living beings. You’re just cheating yourself, if you “short-circuit” the natural process of things by using an inanimate object to fulfill your lusts. All these chemicals work well together, if the user doesn’t rewire his or her brain by doing something unnatural to knock it off balance.

In the long run, Pornography changes your brain chemistry, ruins relationships, and harms your mental health. All the chemicals that work together in your brain snap, crackle, and pop until there is an explosion that causes permanent damage to your life. Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, Vasopressin, and Endorphins interact together and become like hot wires in the brain with repeated use of erotica. Prolonged exposure hardens people’s minds and “desensitizes” their brains to the point that just a little bit of pornography is no longer satisfying. They need to watch harder porn with more violence and cruelty to satiate the chemical Dopamine. The domino effect is that it destroys relationships with their friends and family. Once this takes place, they have to seek help from a mental health provider to straighten out the chemical destruction of their brain and repair relationships.

 

Gilkerson, L. (2019). Your Brain on Porn. Covenant Eyes. Retrieved from www.covenanteys.com/science-of-pornaddiction-ebook

 

Joseph F. Price has been a life/recovery coach for over 12 years and a study of the human condition for over 40. You may contact him at Pornrecovery.coach

Note: Victoria Sayhi contributed to this post