The Book Made it to No. 1!!!

I sold a few books over the weekend, although not as many as I had hoped. That’s OK. There’s still plenty to do in promotion and I feel good about getting the word out there. This is going to be a multi-month push to get into the right hands and the longer it lives on Amazon, the more likely it is to be discovered without any work on my part.

I mentioned in a post this weekend that it was important the book rise to the No. 1 spot at least once on the best-selling new sexual health recovery releases chart on Amazon and it happened! Big thanks to Try Not to Cry on My Rainbow for pushing us over the top late Saturday night.

Here are a few screen captures I grabbed of the moment:

Thank you to everyone who reposted my Friday article. And thank you to everyone not buying the banana blow job book.

Give them a listen

I know most people who frequent this site don’t listen to the podcast appearances I post, and that’s OK because most are me just telling a lot of the same stories over and over, and you’ve either already heard them or read versions of them here. I get it.

However, two new ones dropped over the weekend and I’m extremely proud of both of them. Neither are too long, either. I’d love if you would just throw one on in the background while you’re doing other things and let me know what you think.

Screen Shot 2019-12-01 at 12.18.03 PMFirst was Dr. Mark Goulston’s My Wakeup Call. This one so shook me to the core when we recorded it back in October, I wrote an entire entry on it the day after it happened. You can read about it HERE. Although Dr. Goulston may have a name you don’t recognize, he has sold over 500,000 books in his career and is more accomplished than I could ever hope to be. This 45-minute podcast is one of the most interesting discussions I’ve had. Click Here to take a listen.

 

 

FBTB 089 Joshua A. Shea Instagram (New)Then it was From Betrayal to Breakthrough with Dr. Debi Silber. Sometimes, when I know a show is only going to be a half-hour long, I worry that some of my more important messages are not going to get across. Often, the host will get lost in my personal story, missing the larger picture. Not only did that not happen with Dr. Silber, but we had a great discussion of having age-appropriate conversations with children about staying away from pornography. This is the podcast that I’d urge any parents to listen to who are worried about a world where kids get sexualized too young. Click Here to take a listen.

 

Other Random Stuff

I really need a new headshot. I’ve been using that one for two years now. I don’t look different, but I’m just getting sick of seeing this same one on all of the promotional material. I bet my wife never knew that a random picture she took on the steps of our home would be used so much. In the full version, my shirt is also wrinkled all to hell, but if you know me, that’s pretty typical. I put the shevel in disheveled.

Starting tomorrow I’ll go back to writing more traditional entries. I understand that’s what this site is about, although it’s ironic that I had great numbers over the weekend. That softened the block of lower sales. People were clearly venturing over here to take a look and in the grand scheme of things, the education I hope that I offer on this site is just as valuable as what you’ll find in the book.

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t jam another opportunity to buy the book down your throat. You had all weekend to think about it. You feel bad you didn’t step up to the plate before now. You know it would be a nice donation to your church or local social agency that helps women or as a resource for your therapist. Click Here to Buy through Amazon.

If You’ve Ever Wanted to Help My Cause, This is It

The last six years or so have been a ride. I thought alcohol rehab in 2014 would be the end of it. I thought the same for sex/porn addiction rehab in 2015 or jail in 2016. Then there was my first book and launching this website. Initially designed as just a promotional tool, I had no idea the outpouring of not only support, but inquiries looking for help I’d receive through the site. Most surprisingly, half of them came from the partners of pornography addicts who were lost and looking for any life raft in their sea of doubt, sadness and betrayal.

I realized that my mission could not end. Much like the disappointment I felt when I couldn’t find any relatable, non-highly academic books on pornography addiction at the start of my journey, I felt the strong calling to create something for these partners. It’s hard to describe this calling other than to say I feel like it’s what I’ve been put here for.

I came up with a concept for a new book and thought of only one person to co-author the book with me. I met Tony Overbay, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist on his popular The Virtual Couch podcast and we instantly clicked. Thankfully, he liked the idea for the project, and we spent the next 18 months working together on it.

The result is He’s a Porn Addict…What Now? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions. 

Online Flyer for BookWhy two authors? I explained it to someone the other day using an analogy to tattoos. Let’s say there’s an artist who apprenticed under the best in the industry, inked tattoos on thousands of people and regularly won awards for it. But, he or she doesn’t have a single tattoo on their body.

Then let’s say there’s another person, who is heavily tattooed and has probably spent more than 200 hours under the gun. They’ve experienced the pain, the thrill and the stigma that comes with having so many tattoos.

So, which one of them is the tattoo expert? My belief is that they both are, coming at it from different angles and together giving a better overall picture than either could individually. This book has a licensed therapist and a recovering addict. This has never been done for a book in this genre before. I think it gives a more complete picture to an addict’s partner than anything that has been produced in the past.

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Today is Black Friday and it will be Cyber Monday in a couple of days. Sandwiched between the two is Book Launch Sunday, when He’s a Porn Addict…Now What? will be officially released and begin shipping.

I’m not pretending it’s a good Christmas present. It could certainly create a lot of awkward laughs, but releasing it now is just the ways things unfolded. I’m not sure if the timing is bad or doesn’t make any difference. I just can’t think it’s good.

I’m also not going to pretend I understand all of the ins and outs of how Amazon ranks books or promotes them. I know it’s important to come out of the gate strong and to receive decent reviews. My greatest fear right now is that the book gets lost in everything else people have on their minds this time of year. The reality of the world right now is 64% of books are sold on Amazon while only 7% are sold in stores. This book is so important to me and important to my future and I fear being a victim of circumstance and bad timing.

I want the partners of pornography addicts to easily be able to find this book on Amazon in the next few months. I want therapists and doctors to learn about it, sample it and decide if it could be a valuable resource for many of their clients. I believe clergy members could learn a lot that would come in helpful in counseling their parishes. I even think addicts themselves could glean quite a bit from it. But they all have to be able to find it before it disappears.

I may passively push my book moving forward, and plan to basically link people back to this post over the weekend with my entries, but this will be the only time I straight-up ask you to purchase it. Please buy my book TODAY. Even if you’re not somebody who can utilize the book, I’m sure you know at least one person who can. If not, donate it to your library, church or local women’s charity. Give it to your therapist for one of their patients. Somebody you know can use this book. If you can’t afford a book, you could share this article with others on your blog with those who may be able to afford it, or need it. Come Monday, this book must be decently ranked on Amazon if it’s going to have a chance to maintain relevancy.

I would be deeply in your debt if you’d consider it and I would be happy to let you cash in a favor on me anytime. This isn’t about the 98 cents I get on each copy sold. I’m at a crossroads the next couple of days and need your help.

I’m so proud of the work Tony and I did on this book. Positive reviews from heavy-hitters like Dr. Doug Weiss and Dr. Mark Goulston have only bolstered my enthusiasm, but it’s now zero-hour.

If you’d like to read their reviews, learn more about the book, or purchase a copy, please use this direct link to head on over to Amazon.com (or whichever version you use in your country). Thank you.

 

 

My Podcast Appearances Are Best When They Are Like Public Therapy Sessions

Since I have a new book coming out in a couple of months, now is the time for me to be booking and appearing on podcasts, since many of them tape up to two months in advance. Whether it’s because I already have one book on the shelves, or because I’ve been beating this porn addiction education drum for a couple of extra years, I’m being booked on overall higher quality shows that when I did the circuit after my first book came out.

Let me make it clear I don’t think any of these shows are bad. I think somebody who wants to express themselves through the medium is great, and allowing me to come on their show to talk about the issue, whether 34 or 3,400 people are listening, is going to be a step forward in normalizing the need to talk about pornography addiction. I appreciate every show I’ve been a part of and have only turned down two requests to appear because I could tell I’d be the butt of jokes, or porn addiction would be, and that doesn’t help anything.

I recorded a show four days ago on Friday afternoon, and a show earlier today, that were among the most grueling I’ve done because the hosts really knew their stuff, came prepared and had no problem challenging things I said. A great thing that came out of these podcasts is that I was asked questions I’ve never been asked, even by my therapist or any of the professionals I’ve worked with in the past.

Instead of focusing on my crime, which was the topic for most of the early podcasts, there’s now more philosophical questions about addiction origins and solutions to the problems we face. It’s less about my story and more bigger picture issues. Personal questions focus on my overall addiction, not just the crime.

The podcast taped on Friday was with Dr. Mark Goulston. He’s written what many consider the greatest book about listening in history. That one, and his other books, total nearly a half-million sales over the last 25 years. After our interview, he was jetting off to Russia to co-present a lecture with Daniel Kahneman who wrote “Thinking Fast and Slow” which won Kahneman a Pulitzer Prize and is among the greatest, yet most difficult, books I’ve ever read.

It was an honor to be on his show and his questioning, both in content and methodology, was unlike any interview I’ve had. Do you know when you’re in the presence of greatness? That’s how I felt here.

Dr. Goulston asked me a question I wrestled with all weekend that I’d never heard before. Once I was arrested, why did I almost instantly decide to turn things around and make the best in both the short- and long-term out of my situation when the vast majority of others run from similar situations or try to fly under the radar? Since there’s almost nobody else out there talking about this stuff like I am, what is different about me than the others?

I talked about how I am a “project person” who is at his best when he’s working on something and I simply decided that becoming mentally and emotionally healthy was the project. And once that project was mostly finished (it never is completely) I began the writing, website and interviews because education became my project.

I think this is part of it, but I’ve been turning this over in my head again and again. If they default position taken by 99% of the population in my situation is to shut their mouths, sit down and never raise their hand, why am I doing the opposite? Does that say more about something being wrong with me than them? Why am I the outlier?

The interview was full of questions like this and I really look forward to hearing the edited final result. When I was finished, I felt like I’d had a grueling, yet productive, therapy session. I’m hoping that comes through in the audio.

With the other show, I wasn’t interviewed by anybody famous, but it was a two-hour discussion that really went deep into what addiction is and how much the addict can be held responsible for the condition they end up in.

My opinion on this has changed over time, but it’s still a bit murky. I know it’s not the same for everyone, but it forced me to confront what role I consciously played in my downfall. How much can I claim is brain disease and how much can I say was poor decision making?

I had to interject a few times to say things like we need to create a safe space and not judge addicts, as I felt the host reflected certain ideas about addiction that are held in mainstream society, but many people are afraid to say. I didn’t take anything personally, and he forced me to really think about things, even if I believe he doesn’t have a great true handle on what the critical phase of addiction is like. As with Friday’s interview, I was exhausted when it was over.

I don’t necessarily have the right answer for any of these questions because it’s not like an objective math equation. There is no across-the-board correct answer that covers every alcoholic or porn addict, but these two podcasts made me recognize that I may not even have the answers yet for questions I’ve never considered.

It feels good to be challenged and process these questions further. I think that’s the only way we evolve and it doesn’t matter if it’s a clinical therapy setting on a podcast. Growth is the goal.

When these two appearances make their debut, I’ll not only link them here, but also on the main page and Interviews page on the website.