Guest Post: Larry Yff talks drug & porn addiction, labels and Christianity saving him

Note from Josh: I’ve been on Larry Yff’s podcast “White, Confused, Black and Christian” a couple times now and we get along very well. I hope you’ll visit the interviews page and check some of the out. Larry wrote a great first-person article about being a Christian addict that he was nice enough to let me share with all of you here today. It’s long, but it’s worth it.

I type a very specific type of intercourse in my Google search.  The anticipation of what my eyes will see next excites me to the point where nothing else matters.  Not time.  Not space.  Not responsibility.  The endless parade of females with short skirts, small bikinis and tight jeans from every culture and age will flash before my eyes.  It’s easy.  When I get bored of one female, my eyes follow pictures on the side of the screen that show more females with sexxxy outfits who are just waiting for me to click on their video so they can sell me a dream.  The stage is set and the show is about to begin and I’m with one of the twins:  powder cocaine or crack cocaine.  Either fellow attendee will do.  And when we all get together, three is never a crowd.    

Hi.  My name is Larry and I am a man.  To be more specific, I am a man who is battling with addictions. If you want me to go a little further, I could say I am a man who loves God that is battling with addictions.  What I no longer am is an addict.  I am a typical person who wants respect and love.  

There are a couple of things I said that need to be looked into further if you want to know what I believe true love and respect are.  The points you need to catch are these:

1.     I am a man, not an addict and;

2.     I love God

The first point is very important.  Allowing any label to stick on you other than the label of “human being” will not let you find love, be loved or give love.  By saying “I am an addict” means that your existence is now not human.  You are now an addict.

When you say you are an addict you are training your brain to accept the fact that you are sub-human. You are programming your brain to believe this thing has you beat and now it owns you.  You are now an addict and an addict is a person who is a slave to something that he or she is having a problem with.

The thing about having a slave mentality is a tricky one.  If you can convince a person, by force or by reason, that he or she is under the rule of a master, you will not need to beat that concept into anyone or provide facts for your rationale ever again.  A person becomes whatever the mind says he is.

Now you have a basic understanding of why I call myself a man and not an addict; so we begin to tie my love of God into this whole scenario.  In order to accomplish this goal, we have to get back to the cocaine and flicks (flicks is a softer, less aggressive, deflective term instead of saying pornographic movies).  

Cocaine to me meant sexual activity.  There is a natural chemical in your brain called dopamine that is released in the body when you eat certain foods or are involved in certain activities.  Sexual activity is one of them.  Sex in all its forms gives you a rush that is unmatched in the realm of man-made substances.  

Sex, and it doesn’t even have to be “good sex”, will make an atheist say “Oh God!”  The mere thought of a sexual experience is enough to make a man pay a female hundreds of dollars in a strip club.  Pornography, escort services, prostitution, strip clubs and the sex slave traffic generate more money each year than the NFL, MLB and the NBA combined grossing more than $80 billion a year.

If you break this number down, you will find me on the list of contributors to that $80 billion in sales.  At this point I would like to point out that there is no need to get into full disclosure of these activities on my part because that would just sidetrack us from the point I was getting at… LOL …now where was I???  Sex.  I love sex.  My problem with sex that fueled my addiction to cocaine was directly tied into the sexual choices I was making in my life.  

I had my oldest son when I was 19 years old.  As of the time of this writing I have 6 kids by 6 different women.  After my first child and relationship didn’t work, I didn’t feel like a man or a dad.  I was a horrible example of both. Even though I was the one who didn’t make the wisest choices, I began to have a pity party and felt like nobody would want to be in a relationship with me.  That’s when I began to settle for a fantasy sex life.  Cocaine numbed the inner pain and gave me that substitute rush of natural dopamine and the side effects of depression, chemical imbalance, shame and guilt.

As a man I still wanted to have a family and I continued to get into relationships and try and start one and would self-sabotage them with my feelings of inadequacy.  Even though I loved the family concept, I allowed negative thoughts to convince me I didn’t deserve a family and in turn it made me revert back to nights of cocaine use to get that “good feeling from porn/sex”.  

The crazy thing about what I was doing is the deeper I got into my addictions the less I was positioning myself as a good man and dad and the broken families and relationships naturally followed.  My views on sex were being played out like the pornos and strippers I watched:  My eyes were searching everywhere, all the time, for another female.  After the buffet of skirts and short-shorts I was used to looking at in strip clubs and pornos, having eyes for one female didn’t appeal to me.  I had trained my brain to constantly search for the next big butt and a smile and my fantasy sex life slowly began to take over and became my sexual reality.    

I began to focus on labels.  And I’m not talking about Polo or Phat Farm.  The labels I wore were “drug addict”, “porn/sex addict”, “violent”, “felon”, “dead-beat dad” and on and on.  I had tried them all on before and even though the fit was custom-tailored, I tried my best to act like they were too tight or too loose…anything but a good fit.  I finally gave in to the advice of some family and friends and began going to meetings.  

The meetings I started going to were the AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) meetings because these were most common and plus you can legally buy alcohol and you could get drunk at bars, clubs and parties and confess that you have a problem and it will be taken fairly lightly.   

When people heard I had to go to NA meetings (Narcotics Anonymous) they looked at me in a different light and wondered what drugs I was on and if I was going to rob them so I could get high.  At these meetings, both AA and NA, you sit in a circle and introduce yourself.  The standard introduction is “Hi. I’m Larry and I’m a drug addict (or an alcoholic)” and everyone says “Hi Larry.”  To me, they were confirming and accepting me as a drug addict.  I hated it and it made me feel depressed but I wasn’t sure why.  

I was a drug addict and a sex/porn addict by definition and action and when I would tell people I was not an addict, they would get mad at me or call me stupid and say I was in denial.  What I was trying to convey was every time I wore the “addict label” it drained the humanity out of me.  The inhumane feeling of any type of addiction is hard; but for me there was nothing that compared to having to admit to being addicted to porn/sex.

Being addicted to alcohol and opening up means you tell everyone you drank to the point where you lost your job; which was understandable because alcohol is a legally sold substance and thus addiction legally and allowably comes with alcoholism.  Being addicted to drugs and opening up is a little more risky because drugs in general and drug use are both illegal and you are charged criminally for both; basically you are admitting that you participate in and are addicted to illegal and criminal activity.  Nothing compared to admitting a porn/sex addiction.  That’s a no-no and the big kahuna of addictions.  

Being addicted to porn/sex and opening up means you have to admit that certain sex acts society thinks should be illegal, sex acts that are literally illegal and sex activity that should never be an issue in the mind of a good man, husband or father excite you on some deep, dark level.  

Keeping to the Christian code though, if I am not going to let any type of addiction hold me back from enjoying life the way Jesus came to show us is possible…I had to confess it, get over it and get on with it (life).  Try and tell people you love Jesus, you are excited and believe in the business plans and visions God has given you…and you get turned on by pretty risqué porn/sex activity (unthinkable by Christian standards for sure), you don’t mind resorting to violence if and when you have to or admitting you are addicted to illegal drugs.  Now try opening up and confessing to all three like I had to do.  

Let me tell you the relief I felt once I did!!!  Man!!!  Once I did, my love and understanding of God’s love and His guidance through Bible verses telling believers to “openly confess your sins to one another and help each other” and “be quick to confess your sins to God and repent and He will remove all traces of it” began to give me strength.  Coincidentally, this was also when the God thing for me kicked into high gear.  

I was in jail one time and as usual I asked for a Bible.  This time proved to be different.  As I was reading I began to feel happy.  Natural dopamine was being released into my body from a weird type of wave that would rush through me every time I discovered the lesson in a parable.

Then I began to come across stories that showed how people were faithful to God and obeyed His natural laws and I wanted that.  The stories were of people who had anger issues, sex issues, were very insecure and were family rejects that God selected to become world leaders.  “If they can do it why can’t I?” I began asking myself.

When I got out of jail I got back into my normal swing of things and would make money and spend it on getting high; shirking my family financial obligations.  But something was different.  The high wasn’t making me feel high anymore.  It was more of a nuisance and was irritating me.  The drug high began to feel like I was bumping my head over and over again and I began to ask the hard, but simple question of “How many times are you going to bump your head, Larry?  Are you gonna keep bumping it till it bust open and you get to see what’s at the center of the Tootsie Pop?”

I began to chase the high I had when I was reading the Bible.  I began to feel like there was more out there and I began to have thoughts about businesses.  I mean real estate development businesses that took over entire cities, a fashion house, hotel development and the list kept growing.

How am I going to get there was the next question.  I started admiring and reading about the Forbes magazine’s richest men on the planet and I watched documentaries about business tycoons.  Something about that felt shallow.  They all contributed their success to hard work, mentors or the values that their parents instilled in them.  Those stories angered me more than anything else because those success stories were built on concepts that I knew weren’t true for many Americans.

The United States was built on a political, social, economic and financial system that was designed to be prejudicial, unequal and unchanging.  The system here in America was stacked against certain groups of people.  This was the reality of life here in this country and maybe the whole world…or so I thought.  

What about all the kids who don’t know their parents?  Since they had no parents to instill values at a young age, does that mean they will miss out on financial success and happiness?  What about the people who grew up without access to business mentors and didn’t have neighbors who were financially stable?  Are they all doomed to a life of being less than because they miss several elements that are said to determine success?

The Bible stories of real life people began to appear on the screen in my brain.  They were ordinary people that decided to follow the natural laws of God and were able to feel a level of love that can’t be described.  They found success and purpose in life.  Some of them wrote songs about the rush of being loved by God.  There were stories of Kings, Queens and Killers who all found success in life by sticking to the laws of God as best as they could.

I now had to understand who this God was before I could commit myself fully because the Bible stated several times that you have to choose to follow only God.  If you choose to follow money or fame or a cute face or anything else, you won’t be able to enjoy life on a level that it was designed to be enjoyed.  Your view on God and life matters.

Going to the beginning was the only sensible option.  The book of Genesis is where I began to read.  The story of how God made the Earth seemed to make sense; but I had to break it down.  Did humans make the Earth?  Nope.  Did humans make the universe and all the galaxies?  Nope.  Does everything on this Earth have natural laws that are built specifically for life on Earth?  Yup.  

If the pull of gravity was a little stronger we wouldn’t be able to walk.  If the Earth was a little farther from the Sun it would freeze and life on Earth couldn’t exist.  If the ozone layer was not in place the air would be too toxic for us to breath.  If trees weren’t here to perform photosynthesis we would not be able to breath.  Plant life has natural remedies for our bodies.  If dirt and its’ minerals didn’t exist plant life would not exist and neither would life on this planet.  The human body needs water or it will die and if the Earth had no water…well, you know what I’m getting at.  The bottom line was there is proof in nature that a being or beings other than humans made this planet and the universe and it wasn’t by chance.

Now, with full acceptance of the story of man and creation as being true according to the Bible, I was confident in placing my belief in God.  This in turn led me to a deeper understanding of the three separate and unequal beings commonly referred to as the entity God:  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  This in turn led me to understand that God had a wisdom and power that could not be explained.  Period. 

As I continued to read and study the Jesus story, I began to pay close attention.  Jesus is part of this entity called God and constantly talked about His love for His Father and all of His actions showed His loyalty to His Father.  I didn’t and don’t understand how He came from Heaven or where Heaven is or about angels and the devil…but I didn’t have to.  I saw proof of God and His intelligence and love that was unmatched anywhere on this planet yet seen everywhere in nature and I felt a yearning to be loved by Him and to somehow get as personal as I could with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  

Jesus talked about a Kingdom.  He called it the Kingdom of God or the Kingdom of Heaven.   Most of His messages were about this mysterious Kingdom.  He said if we became citizens of this Kingdom, we would be under the rule of the powerful, wise entity called God.  He said He was going to heaven to see His Father and “anything we asked of Him, based on our belief and love in Him (Jesus), He would ask His Father for and it would be done.”  

I now wanted to find out what kind of ruler was God and what were His rules.  After observing the Laws of this Kingdom, I discovered they came to us naturally and understood how every human being has a value and a purpose.  The desire to love and be loved and to respect and be respected within some form of natural law and order is inside of us.  Here are some examples:

1.     Don’t do anything out of anger.  How many of us did or said things when we were mad and had negative results?  This makes perfect sense.

2.     Respect your parents.  Respect is something that is earned.  This means that parents need to put themselves in the position to receive respect by the child.  A parent doesn’t just get respect because he or she is a parent.  This makes perfect sense.

3.     Two men should not have sex with each other.  God created humans in a specific way for a specific purpose:  Life is created naturally by design when a man puts his seed into a woman and fertilizes her egg.  It’s simple and it makes sense.

4.     You reap what you sow.  Whatever you plant you get.  If you plant apple seeds you get an apple tree.  If you say negative things to your child your child will have a negative self-image.  If you acknowledge God He will acknowledge you.  If you are good with a little bit of money you will be good with lots of money.

5.     Your body is a temple where God lives.  Don’t mess up God’s house.  Don’t mess up your body.  It’s God’s house.  You respect everybody else’s house so you should respect God’s house the same way.

Being a part of this Kingdom sounded like a good thing and I was all in…

Follow the real life side of this story from the beginning:
“White, Confused, Black and Christian – the Autobiography of Larry A. Yff” (Explicit or Base Version)
Learn how to rule your world and enjoy life:  
“Kings, Queens and Killers:  Rules of Engagement”
Understand your purpose in life, gain spiritual wisdom and discover your value:
“Your View Matters:  Personal Development Plan” (Explicit or Base Version)

These books are part of the “Your View Matters” series written by Larry A. Yff and are available on Amazon HERE.

Check out Larry’s Podcast HERE

If You Took My Survey on Porn Addiction Recently, Here are the Results

In late July and early August, I launched a non-scientific survey to help me better target the TEDx Talk I’ll be giving in early December about pornography addiction. The survey was designed to capture the current beliefs of a wide group of people and better understand how best to give my presentation. I thought I’d get about 50 responses. I got over 800.

Response was far bigger than I could have imagined and there was fascinating information to come out of this survey that I wanted to share, especially to those who participated. Now I don’t know the difference between scientific and non-scientific when it comes to surveys, but I do understand that there has never been information taken from another person and then disseminated without some form of bias. If you want to read my take on the bias in this survey, I added it to the end of this article.

All right, now that you’ve read the disclaimers and caveats, let’s look at some of the results:

While I know that there are likely many people who fit into two or more categories, I wanted people to self-label themselves with only one tag. Parents ranked 7.7%, Mental Health Professionals at 7.1% and Teacher/Educator at 6.5%.

The few people who have seen these results to this point have told me they were surprised by over a quarter of the people taking this labeling themselves as an addict, but since “student” was the second highest group, it makes sense. A study from 2017 by The Barna Group interviewed more than double the people that I did and they found 32%-33% of respondents in the male 18- to 30-year-old group were self-diagnosed as having a problem with pornography. I didn’t ask for gender in this survey, but knowing those Barna numbers, the 25.6% saying they are addicts doesn’t surprise me at all.


These two questions were just to get a handle on what the people who were taking the survey were thinking in terms of pornography addiction having the potential of being a real problem or addiction. In both of these questions, I was really only interested in what percentages would be represented by the blue parts of the pie. Both of these results confirmed that this is a topic that needs to be talked about and it’s perfect for a TEDx Talk.


I think it’s telling that a combined 77.6% of people who answered the survey said that those under 18 are most at risk for developing the addiction. I think this shows an understanding of where the seeds of addiction are sown. I know that there are those who become addicted after 25, but I’m still surprised that 6.1% of people think they are at the greatest risk.


Like the last question, these are another two that made me feel good as the responses came in. Only 6% of people don’t think that porn addiction should be addressed in either high school, college or both. If 94% of people think it should be addressed in school — why aren’t we doing it? This should be some ammunition toward getting it normalized in health curriculum. If you need any more proof that people think we need to do better, 96% think we’re not doing a good enough job. These are important numbers for educators to consider. If we can’t count on parents, we need to count on the schools and there’s clearly a need for it.


That last number is the headline for me. Only slightly more than 1 out of 4 people don’t have some connection, either through themselves, a family member, partner or friend, to pornography addiction. Think about that for a second. That’s 27.5% who believe there is no connection to people and porn addiction in their life — but it’s 72.5% who do have a connection! If well more than half of us have a connection to porn addiction in my life, why isn’t anybody talking about it??!!

The next newsmaker here for me is that 42% of people who took this thought they may have a porn addiction. Of the 812 people who answered the question, 342 may be porn addicts???!!!! Almost 1 out of 4 think they’re partner is an addict??!!!

The child questions are somewhat moot because I made the mistake of not qualifying it by finding out how many people answering had kids. Once again, not a scientific survey, but these other answers did come in higher than I expected. They don’t surprise me, but I wasn’t sure if people were seeing what was happening around them and would report it.


This one bothered me the most because I think it plays into stereotypes about who pornography addicts are or aren’t. Nearly 9-in-10 people are worried about male teens become porn addicts, but only 1-in-4 is worried about a teen female. Half of respondents say that they’re concerned about adult males become addicts, but only 1-in-10 is worried about adult females.

Just when I thought we were waking up as a society, we’re met by these numbers. I’m not going to go into a litany of statistical quoting showing that the number of female addicts is growing by leaps and bounds, nor am I going to go into my diatribe about how porn is now available cheaply, targeted at all demographics and easier (and more anonymous) to access than ever before. I can show you were we actually are, but I wanted to know where people thought we are, or needed to be. I felt good about the responses until this question. There’s unfortunately still a huge gender gap when it comes to understanding who are pornography addicts. Yes, historically men have always outnumbered women when it came to consuming pornography and reporting as addicts, but that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be the case.

If any female porn addict says she feels invisible to society, all you have to do is look at the answers to this question and you can understand why.

There were several other questions that asked about presentation style, but I won’t bore you with the answers here. They’ll help me figure out how to communicate the information and you can see if it all comes together when the event takes place.

My TEDx Talk will be part of TEDxHartford on Dec. 6, 2020. While there will be no live audience in attendance because of social distancing, people are invited from all over the world to attend virtually at no charge — although donations are accepted. If you’d like to get a virtual ticket to the event, check out TEDxHartford online.

Caveats on Methodology: In the case of this survey, everybody asked to take it was online, which almost certainly skewed the average respondent younger than in if it had just been taken on the street. Along with sending it to a few heterogenous mailing lists, it was also posted on my website and LinkedIn page, so those who have some interest in following what I’m already doing had the opportunity to take it skewed in their favor. Finally, I posted it on many online forums, bulletin boards and subreddits. I tried to get a mix of people – I wanted young adults, and therapists, and parents and former addicts and partners of addicts, and religious people and a few other groups to specifically respond – so I looked for places online where some of these groups congregated. Considering over 800 people answered every question, I feel confident enough in the results since even another 25 responses would not change any answer by much.

My First Online Pornography Addiction Education Course Geared Toward Partners is Now Available!!!

I am very psyched to say that after many weeks and probably nearly 100 hours of work, my first online pornography education course is available through Udemy.

It’s called “Pornography Addiction Education for Partners” and for the next THREE Days (Sept. 3 to Sept 6, 2020) it is available for FREE. After that, it goes to $19.99 to the general public, although if the free window is closed, contact me and I’ll give you a coupon to take $5 off and make it $14.99

That’s about 10 minutes at your therapist, ladies. I’m upfront in letting people know I don’t have all the answers, but based on the feedback to my bestselling book “He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?” this should provide a very inexpensive perspective, some basic science and the understanding of self-care among other important highlights.

The course features 10 modules, each with its own video and worksheet that can allow you to personalize the information from the last section and understand how it fits into your life.

For your FREE Trial, click HERE

Pornography Addiction may no longer be limited to the consumers in a world of OnlyFans

If you’re under 33 years old – or a regular reader of this website – you’re well aware of OnlyFans and the tentacle-like reach it has with the young adults of the English-speaking world. If you’re over 33 years old, and don’t read this website, odds are you’ve still never heard of the site. I don’t think in all of my time paying attention to social Internet trends I’ve ever seen such a black-and-white cut-off point, including early Facebook and Snapchat. There are no shades of gray when it comes to people knowing or not knowing about OnlyFans.

In a nutshell, OnlyFans is a bulletin-board style website where a user subscribes to a content creator’s page, usually between $5 and $30 per month. Once accessed, the page features photos and videos posted by the creator. The vast, vast, vast majority of these subscriber pages belong to young women making pornography in the comfort of their own home. They can make their content as tame or racy as they want. Creators also have the option to charge additional for “exclusive” photos or videos, and to charge for exchanging messages with users. While the corporate company obviously pushes the platform as a great place for indie musicians, artists and other people who have content to sell the world, it is currently synonymous in young adult culture with pornography.

My latest book (now available on Kindle) was a look at how the first few months of the COVID-19 virus radically changed the landscape of online pornography and how it was going to be the roughest challenge to pornography addiction stats that we’ve faced. I spoke with addicts who faltered in quarantine, those who were doing well, people who were veteran and rookie cam room models on well-established websites and several therapists and professionals. There was one chapter about OnlyFans, but I read it now and am embarrassed. I have learned so much in the four months since I wrote the book as that website has continued to explode. You should still buy the book anyway.

In the book, I focused on the millions of people who were flocking to the site to suddenly see the girl or guy next door get naked online. I knew there would be a bump in consumers, and with the stay-at-home mandate of the quarantine, there would be more people experimenting with making pornography. I had no idea, and would never have guessed, just how big it was going to get.

I think the grim reality of the explosion of the site is far more prominently displayed in the numbers of producers flocking to try the make-it-yourself porn industry. A couple of different sources, mostly notably The Sun newspaper in Britain (August 2020) have quoted 50 million users (up from 8 million in July 2019) it’s the statistics involving new pornography creators that are truly shocking.

In July 2019, OnlyFans CEO Tim Stokely was quoted giving that 8 million statistic. At the time he also shared there were 70,000 content creators. A couple of months earlier, in April 2019, he said that there were roughly 3,000 creators joining the site weekly. If you extrapolate that to when I’m writing this in last few days of August 2020, it means that according to his 2019 statistics, there should have been 174,000 creators by the end of that year. In 2020, up to this point, there should have been another 104,000.

By Stokely’s projections, there should currently be 288,000 content creators on OnlyFans. The Sun reported on August 20 that there were 660,000 creators worldwide (100k being British) and on August 26, Yahoo Money said there are 700,000 content creators. The numbers have been increasing at between double and triple the rates the CEO predicted…and you know he’s always going to present a rosy outlook.

I think The Sun and Yahoo Money statistics may even be under-reported. In April 2020, Stokely told Buzzfeed News that the site had 7,000 to 8,000 new creators every day (double their WEEKLY onboarding just 13 months earlier). That’s 49,000 to 56,000 people – almost exclusively woman in the 18-to-25 age group who have never made porn before – flocking to OnlyFans weekly. Can you imagine going from 3,000 to 50,000 weekly sign-ups in just 13 months?

In early May 2020, it was reported the total creator number was at 450,000. If 50,000 are joining every week on average, and the 450K number was thrown out 17 weeks before I write this, it is more than likely there have been 750,000 to 850,000 NEW content creators who have joined and we are sitting at a number of total content creators at somewhere between 1.2 and 1.3 million. Even if things have slowed down since that May 2020 quote, it’s hard to believe there are under a million total content creators.

Ask somebody in their early 20s if they know about OnlyFans. They’ll laugh and probably admit they know about it. Ask if they know anybody creating content. If they say no, they’re probably hiding somebody’s secret, or they don’t know the secrets of at least one friend. I asked my 21-year-old daughter who has some of the nicest, normal friends I’ve met (although there are probably some on the fringes she hasn’t introduced) and she said she knows three girls creating content, ranging from mostly bikini photos to hardcore pornography. All of them made over $2,000 in their first month, one made over $3,000 her first weekend.

The COVID-19 pandemic has created a new genre of pornography – “Hey, I Know that Person! Pornography” is now a real thing. I had a guy living across the hall from me at one of my attempts at college who got very excited when a former high school friend of his was featured in one of Playboy’s college girls editions back in 1996. He was disappointed when the photo was of her in a small bikini playing frisbee with a couple of friends. This guy would have patiently waited for OnlyFans for 25 years.

So who cares? Technically, in April 2019 there was one model for every 21 users on OnlyFans. Today, there is only 1 for every 50 users. Couldn’t an argument be made that demand is not keeping up with supply? From a strict economics point-of-view, perhaps, but from a public health standpoint, I think we’re looking at a new can of worms.

We can conservatively estimate that 10 million of OnlyFans’ 50 million users have some kind of issue, if not full-blown addiction with pornography. The skewing of younger users makes me feel very confident at putting a 20% figure on this assumption based on the data about addiction rates that have been out there for years. This many addicts is a scary, scary thought. The fact that probably 95% of them never had any warnings about developing a porn addiction before it happened is downright tragic. I feel their pain and it’s a big reason that I’m out there writing books, doing podcasts and spreading the word as much as I can. But this is not about them.

There are a lot of reasons people have been giving for decades about why others shouldn’t watch pornography and while they are almost always extremely valid, I’ve yet to see one that truly works. The reality is, the consumers of pornography don’t care if the performers are using drugs to get through a scene. They don’t care if the performers are being trafficked. They don’t care about statistics regarding feminism and objectification. Porn consumption figures would have dropped over the years if these were effective arguments. The figures have gone the other way. Addicted consumption or recreational, we’re looking at more porn than ever.

These arguments are also going to receive bigger blows to their impact because of the people who are joining OnlyFans. I have no idea how many people work in what’s remaining of the real California porn industry, but I know it’s been dropping mightily over the years. If I were to guess, there’s probably a couple thousand “professional” pornographers left who are the ones stacking the shelves with DVDs at the adult bookstore. They are an endangered species is our online DIY porn world of 2020.

The stereotype of the drug-addict, dead-behind-the-eyes kind of woman with daddy issues who becomes a professional porn star is quickly being replaced by the waitress, bartender or administrative assistant who is making porn as a side hustle. We’re now in the world of the gig economy and many people have 3-4 part-time/independent contractor jobs. It gets more difficult to lament the poor women who are basically forced into porn when you’ve got thousands willingly joining the ranks who are well-adjusted normal people from middle and upper class families every day.

Aside from the pandemic, how did this happen? From talking to a few people who have OnlyFans pages to better understand, I’ve come to a simple conclusion. The under 30 group, the ones that grew up with the Internet and a level of pornography access unimagined by previous generations simply don’t have the stigma attached to nudity and/or pornography of those who didn’t come of age online.

When I was in high school, there was no sexting. We didn’t have cell phones so nude pictures weren’t circulating. We didn’t have Instagram so you didn’t know what every girl or guy looked like in their skimpy beachwear. I graduated in 1994, not 1974. I’m only 44 years old now. The evolution of pornography access and attitudes has been at warp speed.

And now, I’m hearing all of the typical “What happens when those pictures resurface?” rhetoric directed at the content creators, but I wonder if that’s going to actually matter in 20 or 30 years. If hundreds of thousands of young adults joining the ranks of the make-it-at-home porn world becomes the norm, will it even be a taboo thing that somebody can find a picture of you without clothes out there in 2040?

No, I’m not worried about the photos resurfacing. I’m worried about what we don’t know, and my biggest question of the last few months is – if pornography consumption can become an addiction, could pornography creation? Is there going to be a segment of today’s 25-year-old OnlyFans creators who are still making the stuff at 45, or 55, because they can’t stop? When somebody is told they are beautiful and are given money, it’s just a business transaction for many creators – for others, it’s affirmation. Some of the cam girls I talked to in writing my last book talked about how great the money is, but how they feel like better people now because of the ego boost it has given them. How is that not just a shot of dopamine? I’m guessing the thinking goes something like: I want to be called beautiful. The people who call be beautiful have seen all of my content. I must make more, so I do. They call me beautiful and give me $10 each. Dopamine hit.

I always say that we have been mostly reactive to pornography addiction in the interviews I give and we need to be proactive. We now have 20-25 years of data of what Internet pornography consumption can do to a population and we’re just scratching the surface of learning the fallout. We have no data on pornography creation. It’s only really a few months old as a mainstream phenomenon.

And what about those who do stop? Could they develop PTSD, disassociation, depression or other mental health issues years or decades after they’re no longer making porn? Will we have a significant percentage of future generations walking around with regret and shame for what they did? Could this be a cause of future trauma? It seems likely…but we just don’t know.

I miss interacting with real people at libraries, schools or other places that I’ve given presentations about pornography addiction, but I’m seriously wondering if I now have to start throwing the idea out there that pornography addiction could potentially extend to the creators. I offer no judgment, shame or any negative feelings to anybody who consumes or produces pornography, but have we just simply discovered the other side to the porn addiction consumer coin?

More Rambling From a Guy Trying to Figure Things Out

I realized today it’s been more than a week since I posted an entry and even longer than that when I wrote once since my good friend Eddie submitted the last article. I would have guessed it had been about 4 days. Things are just coming at me fast and I figure I’d let you know about it more as an exercise to allow me to take a breath and see what’s going on and process it than me thinking you actually care about my schedule.

A little more than a year ago, I was kind of burnt out. I’d been promoting my first book for a year at that point and was pushing my co-author to finish the edits on his section of my second book. I made the decision in early June to take a step back from this blog and the whole “porn addiction author/educator” thing for the first time. I was just getting off probation and while I wasn’t going to quit doing this, I knew I needed a break.

I lined up about 8 guest bloggers, wrote three or four of my own, scheduled everything and walked away until early September, after I returned from a month-long trip with my daughter across the country. I think a year ago today as I write this we were pulling into San Francisco. That trip was much needed for my mind and soul as the legal ordeal finally ended after five-and-a-half years. I would have hated to have planned that trip for this year. Who knows what would have even been open?

My book did a little bit better than I expected early on and really would have had some staying power, I believe, if not for the pandemic. It is still selling better than my most recent book and is now in over 500 libraries…if you can find an open one to borrow it from. I’m guessing I would have sold several hundred more copies if not for the pandemic. Here’s some proof:

Hopefully you can see that graph. It’s the story of the paperback version of the book. I know a lot of authors won’t share this info, but I think it’s because they don’t sell many books. I’m in a genre where I’m not going to be ranked #5, #50, #500, or #5,000 on the Amazon Best seller list. I understand that, so I don’t mind sharing.

This tells the story of 4 timeframes. The first run to the beginning of February. This is the initial sales period of around 10 weeks where things can go up and down very quickly with the sale of one book because there are so few of that single title sold. It’s hard to really get an idea how your book is doing during this time.

The next period runs February through early April. This is the period of time when libraries start to buy books. While many libraries buy them through special companies, a lot will simply purchase them on Amazon and it’s why you see the line graph so high during this time.

The next period we call “the pandemic.” This is when COVID-19 hit and people stopped thinking about anything except toilet paper and dying. I went from selling 10-20 copies per day to literally selling 0 of the paperback. A few Kindles were still sold, but nobody was buying the book anymore.

The current period we’re in has been happening since June and I guess we’d call it recovery or “the new normal.” I sell a few paperbacks every week although people still prefer the Kindle. The last couple weeks have improved a bit and I’m hoping that continues. Between paperback and Kindle, I sell probably one book a day right now, sometimes two. It’s still a steep drop, but libraries haven’t reopened and the book is now more than six months old. Still, I know we’ve done over 1,000 copies sold and that is more than double my first book and my latest book, while my favorite in many ways, just isn’t gathering traction yet.

Anyway, during the entire timeline you see above, I pulled back on the site again. I needed to devote the time to marketing the second book (and writing the third). I was also doing more interviews than before. Podcasts got even more popular during the pandemic as people either started them or listened to more when they were stuck at home.

Things really went crazy for me when it was announced that I will be giving a TED Talk in December and when I asked for help a couple weeks back on a poll about porn addiction to help me narrow the focus of the presentation. I was expecting between 50 and 100 people filling it out. As of right now, it sits at 815 responses and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone in over a week.

Since the TED Talk announcement and especially since the survey was shared by so many people on social media, I’ve been inundated on all sides by people wanting to have me to talk about some kind of collaboration with them, wanting advice on how to get their own TED Talk, wanting advice and knowledge about pornography addiction or requesting I be on their podcast.

The podcast thing got out of control before I recognized it. I would guess I average 1-2 per week in most times. Even when I’m telling the same story over and over, it serves as an important reminder of why I do what I do when people hear my answers for the first time. It’s like therapy and some ways and has helped my recovery.

In the beginning, I had to solicit hosts to appear on their podcasts. I stopped doing that about six months ago when I started getting more and more invitations. I was recording the same amount, but wasn’t asking them to appear. Happy anybody wanted to hear me, I said yes 99% of the time, only avoiding shows where I had a suspicion porn addiction would be mocked.

In early July, when the new book came out and the TED Talk was announced, more requests came in than usual. I still said yes. Then, more. Then, more. And some of these requests were really fascinating. I’ve appeared on a few panel discussion shows, including one called Face to Face that has almost no talk of porn addiction I posted today. A few of the shows have been talking about other things than porn, which is really interesting. If you check out my Appearances page you’ll see the last five or six that have published are not the run-of-the-mill appearances. I know most people who frequent this site don’t listen to my podcasts, but these are very unique compared to what I usually do. It’s a nice switch, and I’m learning how to participate in different kinds of discussions (I’ll never drop my habit of saying “you know” all the time) but it still takes time out of my week. Instead of 2-3 hours per week, it’s now more like 10 hours, because some people like to do 90 minutes, or we get to the end of the hour and they ask if we can record a two-parter, so we just keep going.

I’m not complaining about this as I find it interesting, but the time I’m not only spending with this additional podcast load and other additional asks of my time is coming at a price, and this website is part of it.

I’ve made the decision that I’m going to start developing a bit of a criteria for agreeing to do shows. I’ll do things that sound interesting regardless of number of listeners, but if it’s just the same interview I’ve given 100 times, I’m going to limit it to once a week, unless the show has a very big listenership. Too many people have told me, “You need to stop doing 10 podcasts with 500 listeners and do 1 with 5,000 listeners.” In the past, getting the big one was tough. Now, they’re asking me to appear. I need to recalibrate and wrap my arms around the idea it doesn’t make me a snob and I’m not dropping the ball if I don’t go on a show that only gets 40 listeners. I need to use my time the best way possible and that changes over time.

I have an amazing coach that I have begun meeting with for my TED Talk. Theoretically, if 50,000 people eventually watch the video that will go online, isn’t the time I spend with him preparing worth 100 podcasts with 500 listeners each? I think so, and those are the kinds of things I need to think about.

I’m also trying to think about what may make me a few more dollars. My royalty check in December for my second book is going to be decent. But I’ve been working on that book since mid-2018 and won’t get paid until almost 2021, and it’s not like five-figures decent money. It’s like very low four-figures. It will probably take care of Christmas for my family, that’s it.

I’ve decided to focus on building a few things out in September that will help me make more money. I’m currently working with someone on a very basic online course that will serve as more of a pilot project to see if something more comprehensive should be developed. I’m also going to revisit the coaching side of things. I’ve worked with people continually, but have done no advertising and marketing and that website is in great need of updating. These two things should allow more money to flow in. It’s taken me a long time to truly be comfortable with the need to make money off of my work, but after all, it is work and I’m coming around to the fact you can do something altruistically and make money. I had to fake the altruism part in my pre-recovery life and recalibrating takes a while.

It would not make sense for me to completely unplug like I did last year for a few months. Too much is going on and I don’t want to miss an opportunity. Whatever “the next level” is, I feel like I’m standing just outside the door. Walking away now would be foolish.

Anyway, if you made it this far, you’re likely wanting this to end. I just needed to put this on paper, or a computer screen, as I mentioned early on. I like having this space to always return to and get my guts out. I feel like people here “get me” more than most places, so thank you for always being there.