I’m Finally Proud to be from Maine

I’m rarely proud to be from Maine. I see it more as something that just happened. On my mother’s side, her relatives arrived from Canada three generations ago to work in textile mills and shoe shops. On my father’s side, I think it was either four or five generations, mostly from Ireland, who first arrived in Boston, then came up to Maine looking for a better life. I could have just as easily been born in Massachusetts or New York had those families made slightly different decisions, or I could have been born anywhere in the world if my parents didn’t feel the need to stay so close to family.

I left briefly several times, living in Boston, Providence RI and Tokyo for several months each when I was much younger, but I always ended up back here. Part of me always felt disappointed in myself about my retreats, but through recovery and lots of therapy, I learned that I needed the security blanket that being near my parents always provided. In many ways, I still do.

One of my biggest complaints, whether I was 22 in the late 1990s or 44 today, is that lack of choices that comes with living here. Yes, if you’re an outdoorsman, it sounds like there are a myriad of opportunities to scratch that itch, but I’m not an outdoorsman, and it seems to me that there is outdoors in every state. Maine has more trees per acre than any other state. Big deal. Outside of the cocoon of downtown Portland, Maine doesn’t have an endless supply of interesting, independent businesses. It doesn’t have a bevy of dining choices or cultural opportunities. Even many of the biggest chain stores don’t come here and quite often, those that do don’t survive. I was waiting for 20 years for a Krispy Kreme to come here, and when two were opened in Maine in 2018, they survived about 9 months. Despite far superior donuts, you don’t go against the morning coffee monolith of Dunkin’ Donuts.

That coffee example is another thing I’ve not liked about being here – people are labeled as fiercely independent, but seem to mostly think with one mind. You get your coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts, you hate the New York Yankees and despite the hype, you rarely eat lobster. I used a photo of a lighthouse to lead this article because that seems to be the stereotype so many have of us. I’ve never been in a lighthouse, nobody lives in a lighthouse anymore and I can tell you the names of exactly two. Mainers mostly don’t care about lighthouses, yet if Google the word “Maine” it’s almost the only thing that comes up in the images category. There are pockets of true independent thinking here and there, and the sameness can change depending on what part of the state you’re in (keep in mind that by square miles, Maine is as large as the rest of New England combined.)

I am very proud however, in how most of our elected officials, businesses and residents took the Coronavirus seriously from March 11, the first time Donald Trump admitted it was a problem in the evening address on television. My son was only in school two more days, and all of the non-essential businesses were closed within the week. My wife, who ironically works in health care, was furloughed a week after that. Patients just weren’t seeing their doctors if it wasn’t an emergency.

Mask orders came immediately, we were social distancing very conservatively before it became in vogue and people took the orders to stay at home and stay away from family and friends seriously. We also urged out-of-staters to stay away and put a 14-day quarantine in place for those from away.

Most of the northeast, whether hit hard like New York or Boston, or hit mildly like we were in Maine or Vermont, took serious precautions. Yes, it pissed off some people and business owners, but those in power held firm. Never did it seem like a political statement. Even when Donald Trump started shifting and making this a conservative vs. liberal issue did most people in the northeast make it about that. Sure, there was our cranky former governor trying to score political points demanding our governor do this or that, but I think he just saw his opportunity to make a few headlines. He shut up when it was clear no more than a couple hundred people were going to support him.

I remember watching the cable news channels as how to handle the virus was becoming political, and that’s when I really stopped following closely. I have never been able to understand how people can so quickly detach from common sense in the name of supporting their own little political tribe. I think they look to these tribes to be convinced what they should think and don’t apply common sense. If they did, many of these state leaders, like the governors of Florida, California and Texas would not have rushed to reopen. They would have listened to their health experts who warned the peak hadn’t happened there yet. But, they wanted to show how business-friendly they were and that they knew what was best for their residents.

I’m not going to start railing against Donald Trump. If your common sense doesn’t tell you that he has mishandled this crisis and misinformed the citizens and world of what is happening, you’re coming from a different place of logic than me, so I probably can’t convince you otherwise.

Here are a handful of maps that Vox.com put together that tell the real story of what is happening:

So what do we learn from this map? It shows only the positive progress that is being made in the fight against COVID-19. Any state that is not light blue is doing better than it was either one or two weeks ago, and in most cases, both. Beyond just the northeast, you’ll see that northern mid-western states which had a vocal minority demanding the states be reopened — but officials who refused — are doing the best. Also, while the majority of the states doing better are blue states and led by Democratic governors, this is not the case across the board, underscoring this is not a conservative or liberal problem and it isn’t about a conservative or liberal solution. It’s a virus. It doesn’t care who you vote for.

This is where the “Too many tests equal too many positive cases” of many virus deniers falls apart. Obviously, you’re going to get more cases in more populated states. You’re obviously also going to get more positive cases if you test more people. That’s simple math. However, you can make things equal by working on percentages. If only 100 tests are given and 5 are positive, it’s a 5% infection rate. If 1,000 tests are given and 50 are positive, it is still only a 5% infection rate. Once again, in this map, you’ll see that the infection rates are higher in the south and west — the states that reopened without any plan, in defiance of public health experts.

Here’s another one that shows where the cases are increasing without regard to total population. It only takes someone with vision who is five years old to recognize that purple and hot pink are bad, and off-white and light pink are good. This is about as solid a map to teach the Mason-Dixon line as anything I’ve seen.

Yeah, I’m usually not proud to be from Maine, but when I look at these maps, it’s nice to know that our leaders have exercised common sense in handling the virus. They put public health ahead of small business profits. They put public health in front of the renegades who didn’t like masks. They put public health in front of all else and like the governors and other public health officials of states around us, the results are hard to argue with.

Maine just opened dine-in service at restaurants and it’s still very strict. There are still lines outside of certain stores and while mask restrictions have eased, many stores demand you have them, and many residents have them anyway. Gyms, nail salons, tattoo studios and several other “high risk” businesses still won’t be open for a little bit… and while I’m itching to get my yearly tattoo, I can wait for the greater good.

If you’re in one of these hot zones, I don’t know if your leaders are going to see the light and start relying on serious data instead of their political supporters to make common sense decisions. You may just have to self-quarantine and take care of yourself, exposing yourself to people who have no common sense as little as possible.

I’ve seen a lot of people who had that “the virus isn’t going to get us” mentality, for whatever naive reason they had, later go on TV and lament how stupid they were, or how they lost a loved one because of not taking the virus seriously. Over 120,000 in the US have died of this. Compared to the entire population, yes, it’s a small number, but if one of those people was a beloved friend or family member, the only number that matters is theirs and it doesn’t matter who they voted for in the last election.

Finally, I’d urge you not to get distracted. While cases of COVID-19 are higher than they’ve ever been, conservative cable news stations are dedicating far more time to Southern statues being torn down. This isn’t happening nearly as much as they’d have you believe and not a single statue has caused hundreds of deaths daily. Do not be distracted by cable news stations trying to play on your emotions. The riots and looting are long over, even if they show old videotape. COVID-19 is a serious health risk. Do not be distracted.

Please, my friends in the states where things are the worst, take this very seriously and take care of yourselves.

Getting Trivial Things Off My Chest – September Edition

I just realized I hadn’t written a trivial rantings article for September yet. While I know nobody was waiting for it, I have a lot of random stuff on my mind today, so it’s a pleasant coincidence.

First, I just did the math, and near as I can tell, I have hit the 500 mark in books sold. To the average person, that may not seem like a lot, but when you dig into sites like Amazon and know what it means to be listed #4,505,294 on their best seller list, you’ll understand why the vast majority of books never make it to 100 sales. The book was released on January 10 and my first goal for the year was 200, then it became 365, then it became 500. I don’t think I’m going to set another goal, I’m just going to be grateful for further sales and hope that reading the book is as helpful for people as writing it was for me.

My Internet is going about 10 times slower than usual today. The irritation might be good. It helps me realize just how easy my life is compared to many in this world.

Did you read my book, The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About: How I Let My Pornography Addiction Hurt People and Destroy Relationships? If you didn’t, click the link and go by a couple of copies. They make great gifts and provoke terrific conversations that start with, “Why the hell did you give me this??!!” If you did already buy it or read a free copy, and thought that it was good, can you go give it a review? I’ve been stuck on 9 for some time now and while I understand being hesitant to tell the world you liked the book, I’ve been told that every review exponentially helps Amazon decide how to rank searches.

So I broke my vow of no politics the last two days and I watched the hearings about the sexual harassment/assault charges against the nominee for the Supreme Court. I think I watched because I happened to see a little of his original testimony, and wondered how this story would unfold. Regardless of what I think should or shouldn’t happen, I was really saddened by the divide this country is in socially. I heard somebody on TV say that they think we’re headed toward a cultural civil war and while that may be a little hyperbole, I don’t think it’s far off. There are people in power, and so many more who support them blindly, that believe they are right, you are wrong, end of story and they exist in both political parties. I don’t think this can end well because there’s going to have to be something that brings people back together and aside from all agreeing to put yellow ribbons and American flags on our cars for a few weeks in late September 2001, this country is just getting further apart. I always say when I do podcasts or radio shows that there is no stereotypical porn addict. Well, there is also no stereotypical American. It’s our differences that make us stronger, not the little tribes we feel better belonging to because they parrot our opinions back to us. This also reminded me to return to not watching the news.

A few months back, I wrote about a library in New Hampshire where I was supposed to give a presentation and how the assistant library director had to write me with her tail between her legs apologizing for cancelling. Apparently, the new librarian was worried nobody would attend because it would be an admission they are an addict, despite the fact it’s advertised as an informational talk from a pornography addiction expert. Along with cancelling, the library had my book for over three months at that point and it still wasn’t on the shelf. The assistant librarian said she wanted to read it to make sure there wouldn’t be anything someone objected to in the book. I didn’t get into a semantics discussion over different ideas presented that may not please everyone, especially after she promised it would get on the shelf soon. Two months later…still waiting. If you don’t want my book, that’s fine, but don’t lie.

With the brilliant people at the Onondaga County Library in Syracuse, NY, deciding that my book was fit for their shelves, I am now in 246 verifiable libraries in the world. I still find it odd that New Zealand has more libraries with the book than at least a dozen states in the US. If you’re too cheap to buy my book, you can probably get it from your library or on loan through a library that has it in your state. And if you live in New York City or Los Angeles, complain to them I’m not in the library yet. I really want to get in those two and can’t seem to crack them.

As always, thank you for reading and/or following my blog. I used to write a weekly op-ed for a newspaper I was editor for. I really cherished the thought that my opinions and ideas were getting out to thousands of people who, whether they rejected or embraced what I wrote, at least were considering it. I know I’m dealing in hundreds instead of thousands these days, but nonetheless, thank you for considering my words.