Figuring Out if You’re A Casual or Problem User of Pornography

For this article, I’m going to suspend the discussion of whether pornography use in moderation is not unhealthy or if there is any moral component to the decision to utilize pornography. I’ll tackle those issues later on. For now, I simply want to provide a list of questions that people who are wondering if they have an issue with pornography can ask themselves to better understand their situation.

I think words like addiction, habit, obsession, compulsion and problem are more subjective than objective. Their definitions can be fluid and feature a lot of crossover from one term to the other. Ultimately, it’s up to you to honestly decide whether you have an issue or not with pornography and more importantly, what you’re going to do about it should you conclude there may be something there.

For the purposes of this article, let’s assume that much like there are people who can drink, play video games, gamble or eat in moderation – yet are not addicted, nor have a problem – that there are also people who can view and utilize pornography in moderation. At what point does “recreational” use start to bleed into being a problem? Asking yourself these questions may help point you in the right direction:

Is there any sort of trauma in your past? This doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual abuse, either. It can be physical or emotional. Roughly 90% of full-blown addicts of anything can trace their past to find some kind of meaningful trauma. With porn addicts, the number is 94%. That still leaves an opening to be an addict with no pre-existing trauma, but the two often go hand-in-hand. If your parent killed themselves in front of you, a sibling molested you, or any number of other major negative events in your life happened as a young person, addiction may be a symptom of how you deal with that trauma.

Is there any co-occurring disorder or previous addiction existing? While not at the numbers of trauma and addiction, more full-blown addicts have some kind of mental health issue than those who don’t.  These mental health problems may include bipolar disorder, PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety and a number of other diagnoses. Also, it is very easy for someone who is addicted to one substance or behavior to become addicted to another. Addictive behavior is not limited to one addiction at a time, although there are people who trade addictions, successfully battling one obsession only to take on another.

Are you addicted to pornography or masturbation? In my case, it didn’t take long to recognize once the porn was removed from my life, masturbation dropped to almost nothing. I masturbated more as an indicator to end a porn-viewing session than anything else. There are many people who have the opposite story. They were able to easily stop watching porn because it turned out pleasuring themselves was their actual vice. There’s a fairly easy way to determine which you’re addicted to, or if it’s both. For the next week or two, allow yourself to look at porn, but don’t utilize it to masturbate. Conversely, masturbate all you want, but do it without visual aids. You should be able to determine a trend among obsessive thoughts where your addictions truly lay.

Are there rituals around your use? Addicts generally use in the same way almost all the time. My alcohol use, which was certainly an addiction, came with rituals. I never drank cans of beer. It was either a bottle or in a pint glass when I was away from home. Corona, specifically, couldn’t touch my lips without a lemon or lime wedge. At home, I didn’t drink beer, just tequila and Red Bull. I’d only drink at night at home, and it always had to be in one of the three large plastic tumblers we had. I always poured the tequila and Red Bull the same way, almost parfait-style. First a dash of Red Bull, then tequila, then Red Bull, then tequila, and so on until the tumbler was full. That’s routine, or ritual and is common with addicts.

Do you lie to others, or yourself, about your usage? OK, it’s pornography, I get it. We all want to pretend that we’ve never looked at it, despite statistics saying those that don’t are in the massive minority. When the topic of pornography comes up in mixed company, do you stay quiet? Do you try to hide the role pornography plays in your life, especially the amount of time spent looking? Would you like about the time you spend if asked point-blank? When you’re finished looking at it, do you make deals with yourself that you won’t spend as much time engaged in the activity, yet you can’t keep the promises to yourself? Are you spending any money on pornography outside of typical Internet fees? Do you find yourself sometimes picking isolating to look at porn over other activities? Do you rationalize that the time you spend or material you look at is not as extreme as others with addiction, so if they have a problem, you have less than a problem? The answers are all small red flags that add up.

I am by no means a doctor, but do know how I answered these questions when I was in the throes of my addiction. I’ve also done more research and met more pornography addicts than most professionals, not to mention I’ve been through plenty of group and one-on-one therapy for my formerly rampant addictions. I understand if you don’t like your answers and want to discredit my opinion…but that may also be a sign you want to avoid the truth about your addiction.

As I mentioned earlier, anybody can diagnose you as an addict, but what matters is that you believe you have a problem. More importantly is deciding what you’re going to do about it. Next time, we’ll talk about what to do next when you’ve reached the conclusion you need to do something about your problem.

 

The 2018 Pornhub Statistics Should Scare the Hell Out of Everybody

Normally, I do a monthly “Your Alarming Porn Statistics for the Month” entry, but I worry those sometimes get buried and I don’t want this to go unnoticed as Pornhub, the most visited pornography site in the world, often appearing in the Top 10 of all websites for traffic in the world has released its 2018 statistics. They give a chilling testimony to just how fast pornography is growing.

First, let me say that while I don’t like what Pornhub does, they do have one of the most excellent analytics teams in the world when it comes to producing data sets. The statistician in me is glad they do such a good job illustrating the problem we have in front of us.

Here are just a handful of highlights from their 2018 numbers:

  • Pornhub’s visitors in 2018 went up more than 5 billion from 2017 to 33.5 billion people. That means 92 million people are visiting daily and Pornhub expects that number to exceed 100 million visitors per day by early 2019.
  • Pornhub saw 4.79 million new videos uploaded in 2018, or over 1 million hours of new content. If you watched for 24 hours a day without duplicating a single video, it would still take you over 114 years to view just the new content. In a single minute, over two hours of new content is being added to the site.
  • The top seven countries remained exactly the same in user rank, with United States, United Kingdom and India ranking in the Top 3, respectively. Interestingly enough, these are the three countries, in that order, that visit my website.
  • Of the top 20 countries that utilize Pornhub, only one saw a decrease in duration, South Africa. The United States was up four seconds to 10 minutes and 37 seconds. The Philippines leads the list with 13 minutes and 50 seconds. Throughout the world, the average was up by 14 seconds. In the United States, Mississippi, South Carolina, Arkansas and Alabama were the states that used the site the longest. Kansas, Nebraska, Washington DC and Utah were the shortest.
  • Women now make up 29% of Pornhub’s viewership worldwide. That’s an increase of 3 percentage points over last year, or about 12% more overall. The Philippines has the most female viewers, at 38%, while the US number is 28%.
  • The average Pornhub user is 35.5 years old. Only 22% of users are older than 45. Viewers 18-to-24 are actually down 3% from 2017 and now represent 26% of the total viewership. Conversely, viewers 25-to-34 are up by 3% to 35%. This means that 61% of all traffic on the world’s busiest porn site is under 34 years old. It’s unknown if children who view are not tabulated or lumped into the 18-to-24 age group.
  • Considering its young users, it’s not hard to understand that 71.6% of users access Pornhub with their telephone. That number is up by 8% in 2018. Less than 20% used a traditional desktop or laptop computer, down 18% from 2017. Porn is mobile.

I’m going to stop here, but their statistics go on and on and on. I don’t think it really matters who the most popular porn star was this year or what the most popular browser to utilize porn on people’s tablets might be.

I’m not going to give my analysis on every statistic, other than to state these numbers should scare the hell out of people. Young people use the internet. Young people use their phones and young people are reporting higher rates of PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction) and pornography addiction than ever before.

This starts with the porn. No, not every viewer is going to end up critical, much like not everybody who tastes a beer or places a bet on a game ends up an addict. The difference is that the populace as a whole is still greatly uneducated about pornography addiction. I truly believe it’s one thing to start smoking cigarettes, knowing what the potential health risks are to viewing pornography, which the vast majority of people still believe (while morally questionable) is relatively harmless.

As always, if you have a pornography addiction, seek help. Here are a few RESOURCES where you can begin.

Why do I have a pornography addiction awareness blog?

I was giving an interview to a podcast yesterday and was giving my standard answer to the “Why did you write this book?” question and it occurred to me that I don’t think I’ve ever directly answered the question on this blog which is strange, because the two reasons I write this blog are the same two reasons why I wrote the book.

1. To reach my fellow addicts who need to go get help

First, for addicts, or people who engage in pornography use more than they wish, I try to use my experience as a cautionary tale. Statistics suggest that one-out-of-three men between the ages of 18 and 35 believe they use too much pornography, have a problem with it, or are in the throes of a full-blown addiction.

I didn’t recognize I had a pornography addiction until long after I was arrested for inappropriate behavior with a teenager in a chat room. I believe one of the reasons that I never thought about porn addiction was that I never heard anybody talking about it.

Would it have stopped me before I let it get too far? I don’t know, nor will I ever know, but I can at least try to be that voice I never heard.

If you believe that you have a pornography addiction, please begin to get some help. That could mean a 12-step group, rehab, a therapist, online forums, research…whatever. Just don’t sit there are let the addiction fester. Check out the Resources page for more info on multiple ways to get help.

I know there is an addict reading this now who thinks, “I may have an addiction, but it clearly wasn’t as bad as yours.”

That’s probably true, and consider yourself lucky you have yet to reach the critical point that I did. If you think that I had some idea I’d ever reach the place where I was capable of going into a chatroom, look for a woman to talk to and make the mistake of engaging a teenager…well, you’re wrong.

I would have sworn to you probably up to the last two or three months before I made that horrible mistake I was incapable of doing such a thing – and I would have been telling the truth.

The gambling addict never thinks they’ll lose the house, the guy who snorts cocaine never thinks he’ll be putting a needle in his arm, the person who find solace in food never thinks they’ll get to 300 pounds.

If you have a problem – it doesn’t have to be an actual addiction yet – get some help soon. Stop this before it festers into something you can’t control.

2. To remind non-addicts there is no stereotypical addict

If you’re a male under 40 years old and you don’t look at pornography regularly, you are in the minority. If you’re a female under 40 that doesn’t visit a pornographic website at least twice a year, you’re in the minority. 98% of married men and 70% of married women under 35 report having looked at pornography at least once in the last six months. It’s not just people born post-1978 either.

Most people look at porn, but they won’t admit it. I think that they believe that people like themselves don’t look at porn and they are an exception. We need to acknowledge that more people look at porn than ever before, even if they’re not talking about it.

When I was in rehab for porn addiction, in 12-step groups, or in a group therapy setting, one thing always struck me: These are not similar people. I have met doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, people ranging in age from 19 to 78, the rich, poor and everything in between. I’ve met several women and people who can claim to be of just about every race.

Why is it important that we not stereotype who a porn addict may be? When we stereotype, we miss the outliers. If we’re led to believe that every porn addict is a 22-year-old pimply faced kid who lives in his mom’s basement and has never kissed a girl, we’re going to miss all of the others. It’s kind of like how we seemed to all agree that opiod users in the 1980s and early 90s were homeless types who weighed next to nothing and were making bad choices, not actually sick people. Now, almost everyone knows someone struggling with opiods and they don’t fit the morally bankrupt hobo profile.

Your husband, daughter, father, co-worker, clergy member, etc., may not only look at porn, they may have a problem with it. How would you really know?

I was a 37-year-old civic-minded business owner with a wife and two kids when my recovery began. I believe that the reason I had so much negative fallout locally was not only because of the charges against me, but because the community felt duped. Since I didn’t wear the tag of pornography addict on my sleeve, I certainly couldn’t be one, right? Well, they were wrong and I think felt betrayed for it. The reality is, you can’t spot a porn addict. The moment you think you can, you’re stereotyping and potentially missing something important.

 

 

 

Your Alarming Porn Statistics for August

I’ve given quite a few presentations based on the concept of “The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About” in the last several months. Most have been to small civic organizations or private healthcare companies, although there have been a few libraries as well. I’m hoping with the fall coming that I’ll be invited to a few colleges.

One area where I put out a ton of feelers but got very little back was the church world. I knew statistics were a little higher than the secular world, but I just attributed that to guilt in self-reporting on most surveys.

The Barna Group, one of the better statistical companies when it comes to pornography and pornography addiction released these church-specific stats not too long ago. It makes me realize that I may not be kept out of churches because of the subject matter, I may be kept out because so many people have an issue.

With things like the Pennsylvania sexual abuse priest scandal just erupting, it seems like churches should be proactive instead of reactive when it comes to the sexual behavior of their flock. Here are just a few statistics:

  • 68% of all church going men view porn regularly
  • 33% of church going females 18-to-24 view porn regularly
  • 76% of male 18- to 24-year-old church goers actively seek out porn regularly
  • 50-to-55% of pastors admit to viewing pornography online
  • Only 9% of church goers in the US and 7% of pastors in the US say they have a program at their church to help those struggling with pornography

 

If your church or organization would like a non-graphic, educational program about pornography addiction (causes, symptoms and ways to deal with it) please CONTACT and let me know.

Your Alarming Porn Statistics For July

I’ve mentioned before that one of the amazing ironies of the world of pornography addiction statistics is that the No. 1 porn site in the world, PornHub, actually releases the best statistics of any organization in the world. If you want to know the people’s tastes, duration of use, change from the previous year, etc., this is one smut peddler that deserves a PhD in statistics.

While different tracking sites will share somewhat different stories, It’s safe to say that PornHub is the 5th or 6th most popular site in the United States and around the 13th or 14th most popular site in the world.

If you’re into statistics, I urge you to find a link through a search engine so you don’t end up in parts of the site you’d rather not visit. Some of the statistics have graphic terms, but I believe even those terms can reveal a lot, although I won’t use them here.

You can see some stats meant to freak you out in the picture at the bottom, but these are some of my takeaways from their 2017 statistics:

  • It was a very big year for women throughout the world utilizing pornography on the Internet. Women were 26% of PornHub’s users and in the 20 countries that used the site the most, the percentage of change in female visits was down in only one, Russia. In India, it was up a whopping 129%! Other notable countries where the numbers went up were the USA (10%), UK (15%), Philippines (32%), Japan (56%), Canada (19%) and Spain (19%).
  • The age of somebody using the site follows general Internet usage with 61% under 34 years old. The 55-and-older group makes up 11% with the rest in between. Most countries generally follow the overall trend, but the Netherlands, Sweden and Belgium all show a higher rate of older users while India, The Philippines and South Africa show a higher percentage of young users.
  • Only 24% of PornHub users are accessing the site on a desktop or laptop computer. A whopping 67% are using their smartphones (spread equal between Android and Apple platforms). In India, it’s 86% with smartphones, leading the pack. The remaining 9% worldwide are on tablets.
  • What hurts PornHub’s American viewership numbers? Sports and awards shows. The site saw a 24% decreases in traffic during the Super Bowl between New England and Atlanta, 7% decrease during the Daytona 500, 6% decrease in average traffic during the NBA Finals Game 5 and the American Music Awards, respectively, and a 5% drop during the Academy Awards. The three weekly shows that put a noticeable dent into traffic in America are The Big Bang Theory, The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.
  • Which single event in 2017 caused the biggest dip in traffic for a one-hour period? The solar eclipse that took place in August. While all 50 states were down, those in the path took the biggest hits, including Wyoming (down 54%), Nebraska (42%), Idaho (40%) and Oregon (39%).
  • Forty-two states have the same most popular search term, lesbian.
  • People from states in the Deep South (Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana) stayed on the longest while states in the Pacific Northwest (Oregon, Idaho, Washington) had the shortest sessions. The average time spent on the site was 10 minutes, 33 seconds.

Screen Shot 2018-07-05 at 2.14.14 PM

Your Alarming Porn Statistic For June

We all know porn is huge on the Internet, but with all of the percentages and millions of people doing this or that, it’s easy to just let those numbers fly by. I stumbled upon a fascinating website that ranks the popularity of the Top 50 websites in the world.

Based on statistics that came out on May 1 this year, The Top 5 are exactly what you’d expect: Google, Facebook, YouTube, Amazon and Yahoo. Odds are you use one or more of those sites every day.

So what are the next three most popular websites in the United States? Pornhub, Xnxx and XVideos – all sites that deal ONLY in pornography.

That means that there are three porn sites that are individually more popular than Ebay, Twitter, Wikipedia, Reddit or Instagram.

Think about that for a second. All of those people you see taking selfies and posting them to Instagram or who say “I gotta retweet this”… well there are even more people than that at home watching porn, with a decent percentage getting addicted.

Another site, XHamster, ranks at No. 17, just above Netflix. That’s right. There are four sites that stream pornography that are more popular than Netflix.

Four of the Top 20 websites in the world are nothing but pornography. When you see a list of popular websites, and there isn’t any porn on it, know that whoever is presenting it is ignoring the porn and call them out on it. Ignoring the porn is how we got here.

Statistics on & The Definition of Pornography Addiction I Often Cite

One of the things I’ve been doing a lot of in my interviews lately is throwing statistics around because I believe the data shows we’re going to have a national, if not international epidemic on our hands in the next generation. I wanted to share with everybody some of the statistics that has made me reach this conclusion.

I’m not including them here for now, but the world’s most popular pornography site, Pornhub.com does an amazing job releasing its statistics of use on an annual basis. It feels weird to compliment a site that likely contributes to millions of people becoming porn addicts, but as far as their statistics go, they are meticulous and thorough, and I’ll be putting something together on the kind of information they provide in the near future.

As for now, here are some of the facts I’ve been throwing around and where I got the information.

Just How Many People View Pornography or May Be Addicts?

  • Eight in ten (79%) men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography monthly
  • Two-thirds (67%) of men between the ages of 31 and 49 view pornography monthly
  • One-third (33%) of men between the ages of 18 and 30 either think that they are addicted or are unsure if they are addicted to pornography
  • Combined, 18% of all men either think that they are addicted or are unsure if they are addicted to pornography, which equates to 21 million men. [i]
  • 42.7% of all internet users view pornography[ii]
  • More than 80% of women who have porn addiction take it offline. Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs[iii]
  • According to National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families, 2010, 47% of families in the United States reported that pornography is a problem in their home[iv]
  • The number of U.S. employees reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics as of March 30th, 2012 was 132 million. If we divide this to represent 28% of employees using a work computer to visit pornographic sites up to 37 million employees viewing pornography.[v]

So what is “Sex Addiction” according to the experts?

Pornography addiction, much like sex addiction, is still not classified as official diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – the DSM.

Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Definition of Sex Addiction:[vi]

  • Sexual preoccupation to the point of obsession
  • Loss of control over urges, fantasies, and behaviors (typically evidenced by failed attempts to quit or cut back)
  • Negative life consequences related to compulsive sexual behaviors, such as ruined relationships, trouble at work or school, loss of interest in nonsexual activities, financial problems, loss of community standing, shame, depression, anxiety, legal issues, and more

Statistics That Show More Professional and Peer Help is Needed

There were 900 certified sex addiction therapists in the US in 2010. The number was at 2500 in 2017. [vii]

There are over 92,000 drug and alcohol counselors in the US in 2017. [viii]

There are 1,500 meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous happening in the US every week.[ix]

There are 62,671 AA groups in the US, many of which meet more than one time per week.[x]

 

Sources

[i] https://www.huffingtonpost.com/elwood-d-watson/pornography-addiction-amo_b_5963460.html

[ii] http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

[iii] Today’s Christian Woman, September/October 2003

[iv] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_pornography_statistics#cite_note-Internet_Usage_bsecure-4

[v]  The Nielsen Company, 2010 via https://www.webroot.com/us/en/home/resources/tips/digital-family-life/internet-pornography-by-the-numbers

[vi] https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2016/07/%E2%80%A8%E2%80%A8%E2%80%A8can-therapists-officially-diagnose-sexual-addiction/

[vii] https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sexual-addiction-treatment-clinics-often-take-advantage/

[viii] https://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes211011.htm

[ix] https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sexual-addiction-treatment-clinics-often-take-advantage/

[x] https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-53_en.pdf