PornHub Lets Us Know How Bad Things Are Getting, Part II: Trust These Numbers?

I promised I’d be back with Part II of looking at select statistics and what they may mean from PornHub in 2019. As I said last week, they may be having a major contribution to the pornification of our society, but they do know how to present a report to make amateur behavioral economists happy. But with today’s stats, I’m a bit more dubious.

Looking by the Ladies

When I’m doing podcasts or presentations, the question always inevitably comes up: “Are there female porn addicts?” The answer is yes, but until I saw these numbers, I didn’t have any idea this many women were actually looking at pornography.

If you remember last time, I mentioned there were 42 million visits to PornHub annually, or 115 million per day. The site reports, on average, that 32% of its visitors are female. That represents an increase of 3% over 2018. Basically, that means 38 million visits per day are from women, and again, PornHub is now the third largest pornography site in the world. That puts daily visits for women well over 100 million for just the three largest sites on a daily basis.

The reality is, women are mostly built the same as men, but in the pre-Internet world of strip clubs, adult bookstores and adult theaters, porn was not marketed to women and was difficult to find. Now that we all have an iPhone or Android in our pocket, access is an even playing field and the pornography companies know it.

Countries that have a higher average than that 32% include top-ranked Philippines and Brazil (39%), Mexico (36%), and Australia and Sweden (35%). France, Spain and Canada are at the average and countries coming in below include United States and Italy (30%), United Kingdom (28%) and Germany (25%).

Most of the Top 10 search terms for women are related to lesbian sex. Also, of the most searched-for pornstars by women, only three of the top 12 were men. PornHub added that among porn featuring only gay male performers, 37% was consumed by women.

Problems with This – PornHub doesn’t ask the casual user their gender. I have no idea if this is the case, but with some of their “member” services I’m sure there is demographic profiling to sign-up and perhaps they are extracting and extrapolating their numbers this way, and they could be 100% correct. I don’t doubt they are far off, but I’d like to understand their methodology.

Also, and this is as good a place as any to mention it, although it’s not just a female search issue. In none of their data do the search terms “incest” or “teen” appear. As a former addict who stays away from the stuff, I’m not going to go count the instances that these two words appear on the front page of PornHub, but faux incest between teen siblings or child/parent are among the most popular genres of porn currently according to every article I’ve read. Maybe if you put them up front on the home page nobody has to type in the words to find them. We can talk about the psychology of that being a popular search another time, but to not admit it’s what people are watching makes all of these stats somewhat dubious.

How Old Are You Now?

PornHub places the average age of one of its users at 36 years old. Instead of trying to explain what the results were, it’s easier to just look at the pie chart they created:

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The average user in the United States is 39 years old according to PornHub data, with 32% of users making up the largest demo, in 25-to-34. It claims that only 15% of American users are under 24 years old. The numbers are almost carbon copies for Canada, where like the UK and Italy, the average user is also 39. The youngest goes to the Philippines at 32 while Spain recorded the oldest at 41.

Problems with This – This is a case of making the numbers work for you. PornHub measures people between the ages of 18 and 65, but it measures the youngest demo over a range of only six years, 18-to-24, whereas every other age group has a ten-year range.

Do some math with me and tell me if I’m wrong. If 25% of their users are 18-to-24 and 36% of their users are 25-to-34, that makes 61% of users under 34 years old. How can the average age be two years older?

And much like the “teen” and “incest” omissions, notice that there is no category for users under 18 years old. Why? Because it’s bad PR. Despite the fact that in America, there is no need to prove your age to gain access to the site, apparently there isn’t a single underage person going to PornHub. Yeah, right.

Again, I’m guessing they’re measuring this with some kind of membership or premium level and even if underage teens can gain access to it, they’re not going to admit that they are not of age. They’re going to claim to be, oh, I don’t know…36?

The Greatest Porn Computer Ever

When I appear on video podcasts, I always make sure to have my phone nearby so I can lift it up at some point and say the “greatest pornography computer ever now fits in every 14-year-olds pocket.” I didn’t realize just how correct I was.

From 2018 to 2019, pornography access via smartphones grew by 7% to 76.6%. Porn access via desktop computer dropped to 16.3% and tablet use dropped to 7.1%. Three-out-of-four people accessing porn are doing it by phone and that certainly skews to a younger generation.

In the United States, 81% of PornHub’s viewers are accessing via smartphone and only 12% are using a desktop computer. Only 74% of UK residents and 71% of Canadians access via smartphone. The highest percentage country for accessing via desktop is Russia, at 34%.

Problems with This – I actually have no problem with how PornHub reported this data. They’ve got the ability to track not only what device you’re using, but what operating system, browser, game console, etc. I believe what they’re claiming here. Big Brother is watching you, even when it’s just to spy on you checking out his porn stash.

My only problem with this data is anybody (parents, spouses, etc.) who still believes they can keep someone’s eyes off of pornography at this point are fooling themselves. This isn’t 2005 and NetNanny can lull you into safety. Heck, take out all of the devices from your house. There’s a great big world out there full of them, and it’s a world that needs to start talking about pornography addiction education or these numbers are only going to get worse.

And, just because I’d like to end on some good news, even PornHub admits that certain events cause it numbers to plummet, specifically sports. What’s it going to take to have a Super Bowl every weekend?

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Pornography Cannot Become Just Another Political Issue

When I’m up with the dogs at 5:30 a.m., letting my wife sleep an extra hour because she has to head for a job outside the house and I have a leeway in catching a nap if need-be, I’ll browse headlines in the Google News feed. I rarely ever read stories unless it’s good news, but an article on pornography was featured today and I’m not sure what to think.

I stopped reading halfway through to be honest because there wasn’t a ton of substance to it. Essentially it said that there are a small handful of Republican members of Congress who have been making waves about doing “something” about pornography. It talked about how this issue was more one of the radical liberals in the 1970s and 80s, but seems to have evolved as the other side’s cause in recent years.

Most of you know my stance on the pornography industry. You can’t fight it. Much like prohibition, it would be destined to fail. And unless it involves children or animals, porn may be immoral or unhealthy, but it’s not illegal. I don’t want the government defining what is or isn’t pornography. That’s not its role. Pornographic magazines are failing not because of any government interference. They’re dying because print media as a whole is collapsing. Let the market define its needs.

I would like to see an embrace of some kind of health curriculum in schools that makes basic pornography addiction education mandatory. A middle school teacher could literally spend only 30 minutes on it in one class per semester and I believe it could change a generation. If Congress is willing to pony up the money for that, I don’t care if it’s a Republican or Democrat; it’s a bill I can get behind.

As an ex-journalist, my former life before recovery was consumed with news and like almost everybody with access to social media, I didn’t mind sharing my opinions on whatever the topic of the day was. I think that was done far more to see myself pontificate and get like-minded people to tell me how right I was vs. truly changing anyone’s mind.

In recovery, I largely limit myself to headlines and stay off all social media except LinkedIn. I suppose I have my website to expound on issues, but it’s still 97% politics-free. I do this because despite my disconnect, which has moved me even further into the middle of the political spectrum, it has certainly not been lost on me that this country is divided more than anytime I can remember.

Now, it doesn’t worry me too much. As a student of history, this is a cyclical occurrence, not an anomaly. If you think politics seems bad now, go read the Hamilton biography by Ron Chernow upon which the musical was based. That was a disgusting, divided time that makes today seem much more civil. I guess it can and may get worse, but I don’t worry about it bouncing back eventually.

Unfortunately, the issues of pornography, pornography addiction and pornography addiction education are coming along during this time of people dividing into little tribes and circling the wagons. I’ve mentioned this before, and I think most people truly in the middle agree, but there’s very little difference between the two political parties except for the small details. Both sides act completely boorish, make unintelligible statements, pander to their base and are far more about power than figuring out solutions. You’ll know if you’re one of these people if you immediately thought, “That’s not me! That’s the other side!” Sorry, buddy, it’s also you.

I’m concerned that if conservatives take up this cause right now, liberals will fight it simply because they feel they’re supposed to fight whatever conservatives want. Similarly, if the liberals were to take up porn, whatever position they took would be opposed by the conservatives not because of facts, but because that’s just the way things are done today.

I know I have people from both sides of the aisle who read my articles, and plenty of folks in the middle, too. I urge you, do not make whatever fight against pornography that may be on the horizon a political one. I know that’s easier said than done, but there are some issues that should bridge the political gap.

Do not let your party affiliation dictate your stance on pornography and if you’re active in your political community (boy, I don’t miss those days) be a voice of reason. If your side is for it, reach out to the other side. They’re probably not against it – just against the idea of agreeing with you. If your side is against it, explain to your brethren why this may be an issue that needs partisan walls to come down. And let’s be honest, you don’t want to be on the side that is trying to frame the argument pornography is not a problem. There’s far too much data against that position…although facts and data just don’t mean what they once did.

This cannot turn into just another political issue. It’s too important.

 

Ladies, Do Not Forget: You Can’t Be Afraid to Force His Hand to Make Him Face His Porn Addiction

Note: I wrote a version of this on a Reddit post the other day, but thought it deserved repeating here.

I may not highlight this enough, but pornography addiction is absolutely insidious. It will destroy some relationships and lives, but being almost six years sober and having met and known so many porn addicts and their partners at this point, I can also tell you that if he is willing to do the work, you have a decent chance of turning things around. And yes, there are many relationships that survive and get even better. I was lucky enough to be in one of these.

Unfortunately for you, the partner, you’re dealing with an addiction that affects those around the addict worse than a lot of substances and behaviors. A husband with a gambling addiction may send you into bankruptcy, but you won’t be debating your worth as a woman. A boyfriend who plays video games 20 hours per day is probably irritating, but at least you know he isn’t masturbating to those games.

Success getting through porn addiction with a partner is hard work, but if I can do, anybody can. Those of you who have partners that self-admitted their addiction or who didn’t disagree when confronted are certainly in a better position than those who have partners that are denying it 100%, but even if he doesn’t want to face it, it doesn’t mean you are helpless and it doesn’t mean you have to leave immediately.

I learned in my two trips to inpatient rehab that it doesn’t matter what the behavior or substance — if there’s no incentive to change, there’s not going to be change. If your partner thinks he can continue to look at porn without any real consequences other than you occasionally nagging, why would he change? He’s gotten by on gaslighting, manipulating, lying and deceiving for this long… in his mind history proves he’ll get away with it again.

At this point, you should be getting yourself into therapy. Whether you are just mildly bothered or have a horrible case of betrayal trauma, it’s time to start working on processing your feelings and having somebody to discuss these things with who has experience. Taking care of yourself needs to be your new No. 1 priority…no matter what happens moving forward.

Before you make any grand pronouncements to your partner, figure out what you want out of not only the relationship moving forward, but also your life. You must decide what you can live with and what you cannot and how those goals can be achieved. A professional can certainly help you with this. The bottom line question is: Are you willing to continue on with this life, with his addiction likely only getting worse? If the answer is yes, buckle up. It’s going to be rough.

If the answer is no, you need to establish what are non-negotiable things that you want. Do you need him to change to a flip phone and put browser filters on his computer? Do you need him to start to see a therapist and attend 12-step meetings at a group like Sex Addicts Anonymous? Do you want him to go to rehab or join you at marriage counseling? Do you need his big box of porn destroyed or weekly trips with the guys to the strip club to end?

Now, ask yourself if it really is non-negotiable. What are you willing to do if he doesn’t comply? Are you willing escalate things and put your entire relationship on the line? If you’re going to provide him with these boundaries and ultimatums, you’re going to need to have consequences. They can start small, like you won’t accompany him to the weekly trip to grandma’s house or he’ll need to do his own laundry (if he doesn’t.) Consequences can escalate to things like you don’t want him to go to church with you or you won’t sleep in the same bed, but you need to be prepared to bring things up to the point of asking him to leave or being willing to leave yourself.

Next, is the second-most difficult part…you have to convey your wishes. Don’t beat around the bush. If you need to put it in writing to get through it, do so. There can be no miscommunication with this. He needs to know what you expect and what will happen if he cannot comply.

It doesn’t matter what you request: YOU HAVE 100% THE RIGHT TO DEMAND CHANGES. You are an equal partner in the relationship and have complete control over your life. By that token, he has complete control of his life and will only change if he wants. Here’s the thing though…once a guy is willing to admit to himself he has the addiction (whether it involves prodding or not) he generally recognizes that you are far more important than the porn. Even the addict who is trying but repeatedly fails generally understands what his priorities should be. It’s the rare one who will never admit to the problem. They exist, though.

I can’t tell you what’s going to happen in your situation because everyone has a different story, but I would urge you take a step back with every decision you make and simply be sure it’s what you want to do because sending mixed messages does not help an addict. And if what you think he did was disgusting and you don’t approve…he knows it. If you create a judgmental atmosphere, it’s not going to help recovery. He needs to feel safe to open up to you, and making him feel as bad as you feel — while it may feel right in the heat of the moment — will hurt long-term success.

Now the most difficult part. If he doesn’t comply with your ultimatums and boundaries, you MUST go through with the consequences. It is a MUST. Otherwise, this is just another message he will twist in his head that you are not to be taken seriously.

I could ramble on. After all, I wrote a book, but I just want the women who read this to know that you are better than having to live in a horrible situation. That situation can change in many instances.

In those it can’t, you are not cast to a lifetime of misery. If you can say that you tried, there is no shame in walking away. Heck, there’s not even shame in deciding you can’t try and walking away if you feel that’s the best option for your self-care. Remember, this is about you and YOU HAVE 100% THE RIGHT TO DEMAND CHANGES. No matter what happens, you can be a strong person.

Guest Blog: What’s Porn Viewing Doing to Your Brain?

By Joseph F. Price

Are you habitually thinking or fantasizing about sex? Are you always trying to find ways to satisfy your urges and frustrations? Do you get an adrenaline rush from watching pornography? Pornography creates a multitude of chemicals in the brain that are as harmful as doing drugs, and is highly addictive.

Experts indicate phone addiction, internet addiction, and porn addiction combined are going to represent the next health crisis. When, you make the decision to experiment with pornography for sexual pleasure it will have a lasting impact on your brain chemicals, relationships, and mental health.

In the 1980s, a commercial used the analogy of two frying pans and two eggs to explain how a person’s brain looks on drugs. The pan on the left with the raw egg in it represented the natural state of a brain, and the pan on the right showed a fried egg. The caption read: “This is your brain on drugs.” The same analogy can be applied to a person who is using a lot of pornography to stimulate their mind. Except in this case, the egg would be snapping, crackling, and popping on the stove until it is burnt, and the pan is in flames. Porn viewing does this to a person’s brain, spirit, and soul.

Essentially, your brain works like a car engine. There are many mechanisms operating together. Different chemical synapses send signals throughout your body. There is a space, or small gap in our brains where information is transferred between cells. This space is commonly called the synaptic cleft. In order for information to flow, chemical messengers called neurotransmitters are shot across this gap. Think of this like a spark- plug in a car. The neurotransmitter has to make it through this gap in order to spark a thought, or to get your information highway up and running.

There are six major brain chemicals discharged while a person watches porn. Add the additional hormones that are released, and you come up with a highly toxic “neuro-cocktail.”

The first chemical is Dopamine. It is the chemical in charge of your emotions and your thoughts. It is a “feel good” neurotransmitter that “snaps” to attention, when you have a powerful longing for something you have already experienced before. For instance, you have to eat chocolate because it tastes good. Therefore, your brain keeps telling you to eat more of it. The same thing happens when a person watches porn over and over. Dopamine keeps rushing into that area of the brain, and this makes a person addicted because the neurotransmitter indicates that you need more of it. Interestingly, Dopamine plays a major role in memory.  The chemical remembers that the hot, little number in a G-string is just a click away.

The second chemical is Norepinephrine. This chemical sends a “crackling” sensation through the body because it elevates adrenaline. Maybe a couple is having trouble with their sex life, and they want to spice up things in the bedroom. One of them starts watching sex videos to get new ideas. The first time it doesn’t seem to be a problem, but then their mind starts fantasizing about more and more stimulation. Then, people begin to hide their behaviors. They start chatting with girls over the internet, sneaking off to the bathroom to masturbate, and lying to their wives. Of course, it’s their dirty secret, after all. Unfortunately, the individual gets an adrenaline rush from hiding the secret, and this is where the vicious cycle begins.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin work together to cement a person’s “long-term memories to the object that gave him or her sexual pleasure.” Oxytocin is often referred to as the “cuddle hormone.” It is the hormone released when a mother and father first hold their new baby. The hormone connects them to that memory. If this chemical is released during climax it can have a negative impact on a pornography user. The chemical spreads messages to the spectator’s brain that makes him or her become attached or connected to the video, and it prevents them from forming real relationships with one another.

Let’s talk about Endorphins, which are chemicals that make people feel high. Drugs aren’t required to feel on top of the world. It just happens, naturally! You don’t have to go out and buy opiates. They are already available in your head. People, who run and exercise know how awesome these chemicals make them feel. Endorphins are like an aphrodisiac that brings on the desire for sex, and the chemicals start “popping” around in the brain like a drug boosting your libido.

A normal, loving couple should experience a feeling of excitement and happiness during sex, and they usually form a loving connection. When a person constantly stimulates their brain with porn, they are changing the chemistry of these natural endorphins. It is like disconnecting a spark-plug from a reliable source of energy. If you put that plug into the wrong socket, it won’t fire correctly.

“Dr. Judith Reisman called porn an ‘erotoxin,’ theorizing that the brain itself might be damaged while watching porn. She speculated that future brain studies would reveal that the surge of neurochemicals and hormones released when someone watches porn has measurably negative effects on the brain,” (Gilkerson, 2019).

Once sexual participants finish making love there is a calming chemical called Serotonin released into the bloodstream. Humans were never designed to have sex with machines, videos, or other abstract images. People were created for interaction and relationships with living beings. You’re just cheating yourself, if you “short-circuit” the natural process of things by using an inanimate object to fulfill your lusts. All these chemicals work well together, if the user doesn’t rewire his or her brain by doing something unnatural to knock it off balance.

In the long run, Pornography changes your brain chemistry, ruins relationships, and harms your mental health. All the chemicals that work together in your brain snap, crackle, and pop until there is an explosion that causes permanent damage to your life. Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, Vasopressin, and Endorphins interact together and become like hot wires in the brain with repeated use of erotica. Prolonged exposure hardens people’s minds and “desensitizes” their brains to the point that just a little bit of pornography is no longer satisfying. They need to watch harder porn with more violence and cruelty to satiate the chemical Dopamine. The domino effect is that it destroys relationships with their friends and family. Once this takes place, they have to seek help from a mental health provider to straighten out the chemical destruction of their brain and repair relationships.

 

Gilkerson, L. (2019). Your Brain on Porn. Covenant Eyes. Retrieved from www.covenanteys.com/science-of-pornaddiction-ebook

 

Joseph F. Price has been a life/recovery coach for over 12 years and a study of the human condition for over 40. You may contact him at Pornrecovery.coach

Note: Victoria Sayhi contributed to this post

The One Thought That Won’t Leave You Today

Ok I warned you, it’s not just a clickbait headline.

Set a 10-minute timer on your phone, then come back to this…

In the time you were away, there’s a 12-year-old kid with internet access somewhere who has just seen more hardcore sex acts than his ancestors did in their entire lifetime.

Have a good day.