My First Online Pornography Addiction Education Course Geared Toward Partners is Now Available!!!

I am very psyched to say that after many weeks and probably nearly 100 hours of work, my first online pornography education course is available through Udemy.

It’s called “Pornography Addiction Education for Partners” and for the next THREE Days (Sept. 3 to Sept 6, 2020) it is available for FREE. After that, it goes to $19.99 to the general public, although if the free window is closed, contact me and I’ll give you a coupon to take $5 off and make it $14.99

That’s about 10 minutes at your therapist, ladies. I’m upfront in letting people know I don’t have all the answers, but based on the feedback to my bestselling book “He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?” this should provide a very inexpensive perspective, some basic science and the understanding of self-care among other important highlights.

The course features 10 modules, each with its own video and worksheet that can allow you to personalize the information from the last section and understand how it fits into your life.

For your FREE Trial, click HERE

Please Take This 2-Minute Survey to Help Me Design My TED Talk about Pornography

Many of you were super helpful to me a few months back when I needed to come up with a title for the TEDx Talk I’ll be giving in December in Hartford, Conn. I’m back to ask you for a little more help.

The talk is only 15 minutes, but I probably have 3 hours of material. I need to hone things to a smaller message, but since I’m always talking to people about pornography addiction, it’s difficult for me to know exactly what people are interested in hearing in small doses.

It would be awesome if you could take 2 minutes, click on this link and fill out the Google survey that I’ve created that will allow me to figure out how to narrow down my presentation.

Thank you very much. I’ll share these results at some point on here. And of course, feel free to share the survey, the more feedback I get the better I can make the presentation.

You can find the survey at:
https://forms.gle/zKHHgeYKuzSGe1z37

I Need Your Opinion, Please

I alluded a week or two earlier to an opportunity I have that could potentially be a very big deal that I can’t quite explain just yet, which makes this a little bit difficult to get into, but I’ll try.

I am going to be in a very public position to share a message about pornography addiction later this year. I won’t say how because I’m not allowed to yet. Maybe it’s a national TV show. Maybe it’s an article in a major publication. Maybe it’s a big-deal speech. Maybe it’s a mega-podcast. Maybe it’s a hybrid of these things or something that I didn’t mention. The point is, don’t focus on that, focus on the fact this is a big deal.

I have to figure out that message and outline my “presentation” to those in power by June 15. It’s a first for me, but if this is how the big boys play, it’s their yard.

I’ve decided I want my presentation (probably the best catch-all word) to speak to a general, non-addict audience. I am going to assume that if they have been introduced to the concept of pornography addiction, they have given it little thought. I have no idea of the exact audience demographics, but someone who is willing to engage with this topic is probably, but not always, going to be a little younger and a little more liberal than the 50th percentile.

I can come up with an outline easy enough — it will largely just be snippets of things I’ve said on here, in my books and on podcasts for the last couple years stitched together, but the order is important and that is decided by the overall title/theme.

I’m going to cover a lot in the presentation, illustrating that porn addiction is a problem, how it actually is an addiction, what we may be in for if we don’t address the problem, and some ways we can start by addressing it. It’s not an anti-porn presentation. It’s a pro-education presentation.

So…what do you like for an overall title/theme?

  • Pornography: The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About
  • Pornography, the Virtual Drug of the 21st Century, And We’re Hooked
  • Pornography Addiction: The Next Great Healthcare Crisis, Unless…
  • We’re Silently Losing Our Children to Pornography Addiction
  • Pornography Education: It’s Not About Sex, It’s About Addiction

I have narrowed it down to these five because I think they’re all catchy and they all reflect what at least part of the content of the presentation will be. If you have a better idea, I’d love to hear it, but assuming you were flipping through a magazine, or the radio dial, or were at a museum with different displays, which one of these would call your attention the most that you couldn’t help but pay attention? If this was the title of a PBS or Discovery special, or the name of a college course, what would create the most pause? And of course, why is that the best title?

I appreciate your feedback.

Christians Need a New Strategy to Battle Pornography Addiction

One of the areas that I’ve been starting to focus on with my porn addiction education is podcasts and radio shows that have a spiritual or religious audience. Most of them are Christian, which is perfect, because the statistics around Christians who use pornography far outpace that of the secular world.

I was a leery to enter this space for a long time. I was raised Catholic, but don’t really subscribe to a lot of the doctrine and dogma. Watching from the sidelines for a couple of years though, most of the religious people who write about porn addiction are still using shame and God’s judgment as motivation to quit. That just doesn’t work. You can pray away addiction as effectively as you pray away cancer.

The rates of use among Christians is fairly staggering. Here are a few numbers from the Barna Group and Covenant Eyes:

  • 68% of men who attend church on a regular basis and 50% of pastors report viewing pornography on a regular basis. Among the 18 to 24-year-olds, it’s 76%
  • 87% of Christian women said they have watched pornography at least once.
  • 70% of youth pastors say they have had a teen tell them that they have a pornography issue in the last month.
  • 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issues to their congregation, while only 7% say their church has a program to help people struggling with pornography.

These are numbers that reflect a population that needs help. Both the clergy and the followers have been raised in an institution that preaches sexual sin is among the worst. Despite various forms of repentance is different denominations, it’s human nature not to admit the problem in the first place for fear of the fallout, embarrassment and shame.

For the Christian people out there struggling with pornography, if your church is unwilling or unequipped to help you, seek assistance outside. Simply because somebody doesn’t worship the same way that you do, or doesn’t worship at all, does not mean that they can’t help you overcome your personal demons.

Porn addiction does not make you a bad person. It makes you an ill person who can take the proper steps to get better. Having a strong faith and belief system will only be a plus in the process, but you can’t let that belief system be a hurdle to getting healthy.

If there is anything I can do to help any Christian or clergy member out there, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Pornography Cannot Become Just Another Political Issue

When I’m up with the dogs at 5:30 a.m., letting my wife sleep an extra hour because she has to head for a job outside the house and I have a leeway in catching a nap if need-be, I’ll browse headlines in the Google News feed. I rarely ever read stories unless it’s good news, but an article on pornography was featured today and I’m not sure what to think.

I stopped reading halfway through to be honest because there wasn’t a ton of substance to it. Essentially it said that there are a small handful of Republican members of Congress who have been making waves about doing “something” about pornography. It talked about how this issue was more one of the radical liberals in the 1970s and 80s, but seems to have evolved as the other side’s cause in recent years.

Most of you know my stance on the pornography industry. You can’t fight it. Much like prohibition, it would be destined to fail. And unless it involves children or animals, porn may be immoral or unhealthy, but it’s not illegal. I don’t want the government defining what is or isn’t pornography. That’s not its role. Pornographic magazines are failing not because of any government interference. They’re dying because print media as a whole is collapsing. Let the market define its needs.

I would like to see an embrace of some kind of health curriculum in schools that makes basic pornography addiction education mandatory. A middle school teacher could literally spend only 30 minutes on it in one class per semester and I believe it could change a generation. If Congress is willing to pony up the money for that, I don’t care if it’s a Republican or Democrat; it’s a bill I can get behind.

As an ex-journalist, my former life before recovery was consumed with news and like almost everybody with access to social media, I didn’t mind sharing my opinions on whatever the topic of the day was. I think that was done far more to see myself pontificate and get like-minded people to tell me how right I was vs. truly changing anyone’s mind.

In recovery, I largely limit myself to headlines and stay off all social media except LinkedIn. I suppose I have my website to expound on issues, but it’s still 97% politics-free. I do this because despite my disconnect, which has moved me even further into the middle of the political spectrum, it has certainly not been lost on me that this country is divided more than anytime I can remember.

Now, it doesn’t worry me too much. As a student of history, this is a cyclical occurrence, not an anomaly. If you think politics seems bad now, go read the Hamilton biography by Ron Chernow upon which the musical was based. That was a disgusting, divided time that makes today seem much more civil. I guess it can and may get worse, but I don’t worry about it bouncing back eventually.

Unfortunately, the issues of pornography, pornography addiction and pornography addiction education are coming along during this time of people dividing into little tribes and circling the wagons. I’ve mentioned this before, and I think most people truly in the middle agree, but there’s very little difference between the two political parties except for the small details. Both sides act completely boorish, make unintelligible statements, pander to their base and are far more about power than figuring out solutions. You’ll know if you’re one of these people if you immediately thought, “That’s not me! That’s the other side!” Sorry, buddy, it’s also you.

I’m concerned that if conservatives take up this cause right now, liberals will fight it simply because they feel they’re supposed to fight whatever conservatives want. Similarly, if the liberals were to take up porn, whatever position they took would be opposed by the conservatives not because of facts, but because that’s just the way things are done today.

I know I have people from both sides of the aisle who read my articles, and plenty of folks in the middle, too. I urge you, do not make whatever fight against pornography that may be on the horizon a political one. I know that’s easier said than done, but there are some issues that should bridge the political gap.

Do not let your party affiliation dictate your stance on pornography and if you’re active in your political community (boy, I don’t miss those days) be a voice of reason. If your side is for it, reach out to the other side. They’re probably not against it – just against the idea of agreeing with you. If your side is against it, explain to your brethren why this may be an issue that needs partisan walls to come down. And let’s be honest, you don’t want to be on the side that is trying to frame the argument pornography is not a problem. There’s far too much data against that position…although facts and data just don’t mean what they once did.

This cannot turn into just another political issue. It’s too important.