My First Online Pornography Addiction Education Course Geared Toward Partners is Now Available!!!

I am very psyched to say that after many weeks and probably nearly 100 hours of work, my first online pornography education course is available through Udemy.

It’s called “Pornography Addiction Education for Partners” and for the next THREE Days (Sept. 3 to Sept 6, 2020) it is available for FREE. After that, it goes to $19.99 to the general public, although if the free window is closed, contact me and I’ll give you a coupon to take $5 off and make it $14.99

That’s about 10 minutes at your therapist, ladies. I’m upfront in letting people know I don’t have all the answers, but based on the feedback to my bestselling book “He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?” this should provide a very inexpensive perspective, some basic science and the understanding of self-care among other important highlights.

The course features 10 modules, each with its own video and worksheet that can allow you to personalize the information from the last section and understand how it fits into your life.

For your FREE Trial, click HERE

A New Project, An Empty Studio and A Call for Social Media Help

This is just going to be one of those stream-of-consciousness pieces that I don’t really advertise anywhere and most people who read it will be regulars or at least WordPress users who found me in the Reader. I tend to not promote the rambling posts anymore.

  • I’m writing this today because I’m avoiding work. For the last few weeks, one of the reasons I’ve been somewhat absent on here — and I apologize to everybody whose blogs I usually read — but I’ve been busting my butt creating an online course based on my second book, the one for partners of porn addicts. It’s still easily the best selling book I have. If you haven’t purchased it yet, 1) Shame on you and 2) It’s on Amazon right now at 43% off the cover price. That’s right, you can get it for under $12 Check it out at this link. The course will likely be ready in a week or so and I’ll announce more about it, but it’s been a lot of labor and me doing things that I’m not so comfortable with, like editing video. Oh well, we have to push ourselves to learn new skills or be left behind.
  • I found out my December TEDx Talk will not be given to a live audience in attendance which kind of bums me out. I usually speak well with people in the room. I’m not sure how I’ll be in the new scenario, filming it a TV studio in East Hartford, Connecticut. It’ll be streamed live and the most important thing is the video hits the Internet not long after, but I’m kind of bummed because it means I need to pull the funny lines I use because they will be received by crickets.
  • The picture with this article used to be the one I always used on these rambling pieces. No idea why I stopped, but seeing it today made me realize it was necessary to purge my mind of lots of little things.
  • My parents had their 50th wedding anniversary this last weekend. My brother and I were remembering going to my grandparents 50th anniversary party 24 years ago and agreed that our parents didn’t look as old as our grandparents did back then. Or we’re just a lot older. I grew up basically across the street from Bates College. When I was 10, the students looked like 30-year-olds. Now that I’m 44, they look about 12. I guess it’s all about perspective.
  • If you’re in the US, it’s time to get your absentee ballot. I just filled out my request for mine. Go ahead and vote for Trump. I’m just going to cancel you out.
  • Finally, I had the best week on this website going back at least six months, last week. I posted a link to my article about OnlyFans onto Linked In and thankfully hundreds of people came to check out my website. Quite a few also subscribed, so I feel good about that. It’s made me realize that I really do need to get more onto social media — but based on my last couple of weeks, I don’t feel like I have the time nor desire to learn and I know I’m going to be left behind. If there is anybody out there who is an inexpensive social media manager that is interested in managing my social media presence, please get in touch with me. This is one of the weakest areas I have, but I can’t let it continue to be that way.

Pornography Addiction may no longer be limited to the consumers in a world of OnlyFans

If you’re under 33 years old – or a regular reader of this website – you’re well aware of OnlyFans and the tentacle-like reach it has with the young adults of the English-speaking world. If you’re over 33 years old, and don’t read this website, odds are you’ve still never heard of the site. I don’t think in all of my time paying attention to social Internet trends I’ve ever seen such a black-and-white cut-off point, including early Facebook and Snapchat. There are no shades of gray when it comes to people knowing or not knowing about OnlyFans.

In a nutshell, OnlyFans is a bulletin-board style website where a user subscribes to a content creator’s page, usually between $5 and $30 per month. Once accessed, the page features photos and videos posted by the creator. The vast, vast, vast majority of these subscriber pages belong to young women making pornography in the comfort of their own home. They can make their content as tame or racy as they want. Creators also have the option to charge additional for “exclusive” photos or videos, and to charge for exchanging messages with users. While the corporate company obviously pushes the platform as a great place for indie musicians, artists and other people who have content to sell the world, it is currently synonymous in young adult culture with pornography.

My latest book (now available on Kindle) was a look at how the first few months of the COVID-19 virus radically changed the landscape of online pornography and how it was going to be the roughest challenge to pornography addiction stats that we’ve faced. I spoke with addicts who faltered in quarantine, those who were doing well, people who were veteran and rookie cam room models on well-established websites and several therapists and professionals. There was one chapter about OnlyFans, but I read it now and am embarrassed. I have learned so much in the four months since I wrote the book as that website has continued to explode. You should still buy the book anyway.

In the book, I focused on the millions of people who were flocking to the site to suddenly see the girl or guy next door get naked online. I knew there would be a bump in consumers, and with the stay-at-home mandate of the quarantine, there would be more people experimenting with making pornography. I had no idea, and would never have guessed, just how big it was going to get.

I think the grim reality of the explosion of the site is far more prominently displayed in the numbers of producers flocking to try the make-it-yourself porn industry. A couple of different sources, mostly notably The Sun newspaper in Britain (August 2020) have quoted 50 million users (up from 8 million in July 2019) it’s the statistics involving new pornography creators that are truly shocking.

In July 2019, OnlyFans CEO Tim Stokely was quoted giving that 8 million statistic. At the time he also shared there were 70,000 content creators. A couple of months earlier, in April 2019, he said that there were roughly 3,000 creators joining the site weekly. If you extrapolate that to when I’m writing this in last few days of August 2020, it means that according to his 2019 statistics, there should have been 174,000 creators by the end of that year. In 2020, up to this point, there should have been another 104,000.

By Stokely’s projections, there should currently be 288,000 content creators on OnlyFans. The Sun reported on August 20 that there were 660,000 creators worldwide (100k being British) and on August 26, Yahoo Money said there are 700,000 content creators. The numbers have been increasing at between double and triple the rates the CEO predicted…and you know he’s always going to present a rosy outlook.

I think The Sun and Yahoo Money statistics may even be under-reported. In April 2020, Stokely told Buzzfeed News that the site had 7,000 to 8,000 new creators every day (double their WEEKLY onboarding just 13 months earlier). That’s 49,000 to 56,000 people – almost exclusively woman in the 18-to-25 age group who have never made porn before – flocking to OnlyFans weekly. Can you imagine going from 3,000 to 50,000 weekly sign-ups in just 13 months?

In early May 2020, it was reported the total creator number was at 450,000. If 50,000 are joining every week on average, and the 450K number was thrown out 17 weeks before I write this, it is more than likely there have been 750,000 to 850,000 NEW content creators who have joined and we are sitting at a number of total content creators at somewhere between 1.2 and 1.3 million. Even if things have slowed down since that May 2020 quote, it’s hard to believe there are under a million total content creators.

Ask somebody in their early 20s if they know about OnlyFans. They’ll laugh and probably admit they know about it. Ask if they know anybody creating content. If they say no, they’re probably hiding somebody’s secret, or they don’t know the secrets of at least one friend. I asked my 21-year-old daughter who has some of the nicest, normal friends I’ve met (although there are probably some on the fringes she hasn’t introduced) and she said she knows three girls creating content, ranging from mostly bikini photos to hardcore pornography. All of them made over $2,000 in their first month, one made over $3,000 her first weekend.

The COVID-19 pandemic has created a new genre of pornography – “Hey, I Know that Person! Pornography” is now a real thing. I had a guy living across the hall from me at one of my attempts at college who got very excited when a former high school friend of his was featured in one of Playboy’s college girls editions back in 1996. He was disappointed when the photo was of her in a small bikini playing frisbee with a couple of friends. This guy would have patiently waited for OnlyFans for 25 years.

So who cares? Technically, in April 2019 there was one model for every 21 users on OnlyFans. Today, there is only 1 for every 50 users. Couldn’t an argument be made that demand is not keeping up with supply? From a strict economics point-of-view, perhaps, but from a public health standpoint, I think we’re looking at a new can of worms.

We can conservatively estimate that 10 million of OnlyFans’ 50 million users have some kind of issue, if not full-blown addiction with pornography. The skewing of younger users makes me feel very confident at putting a 20% figure on this assumption based on the data about addiction rates that have been out there for years. This many addicts is a scary, scary thought. The fact that probably 95% of them never had any warnings about developing a porn addiction before it happened is downright tragic. I feel their pain and it’s a big reason that I’m out there writing books, doing podcasts and spreading the word as much as I can. But this is not about them.

There are a lot of reasons people have been giving for decades about why others shouldn’t watch pornography and while they are almost always extremely valid, I’ve yet to see one that truly works. The reality is, the consumers of pornography don’t care if the performers are using drugs to get through a scene. They don’t care if the performers are being trafficked. They don’t care about statistics regarding feminism and objectification. Porn consumption figures would have dropped over the years if these were effective arguments. The figures have gone the other way. Addicted consumption or recreational, we’re looking at more porn than ever.

These arguments are also going to receive bigger blows to their impact because of the people who are joining OnlyFans. I have no idea how many people work in what’s remaining of the real California porn industry, but I know it’s been dropping mightily over the years. If I were to guess, there’s probably a couple thousand “professional” pornographers left who are the ones stacking the shelves with DVDs at the adult bookstore. They are an endangered species is our online DIY porn world of 2020.

The stereotype of the drug-addict, dead-behind-the-eyes kind of woman with daddy issues who becomes a professional porn star is quickly being replaced by the waitress, bartender or administrative assistant who is making porn as a side hustle. We’re now in the world of the gig economy and many people have 3-4 part-time/independent contractor jobs. It gets more difficult to lament the poor women who are basically forced into porn when you’ve got thousands willingly joining the ranks who are well-adjusted normal people from middle and upper class families every day.

Aside from the pandemic, how did this happen? From talking to a few people who have OnlyFans pages to better understand, I’ve come to a simple conclusion. The under 30 group, the ones that grew up with the Internet and a level of pornography access unimagined by previous generations simply don’t have the stigma attached to nudity and/or pornography of those who didn’t come of age online.

When I was in high school, there was no sexting. We didn’t have cell phones so nude pictures weren’t circulating. We didn’t have Instagram so you didn’t know what every girl or guy looked like in their skimpy beachwear. I graduated in 1994, not 1974. I’m only 44 years old now. The evolution of pornography access and attitudes has been at warp speed.

And now, I’m hearing all of the typical “What happens when those pictures resurface?” rhetoric directed at the content creators, but I wonder if that’s going to actually matter in 20 or 30 years. If hundreds of thousands of young adults joining the ranks of the make-it-at-home porn world becomes the norm, will it even be a taboo thing that somebody can find a picture of you without clothes out there in 2040?

No, I’m not worried about the photos resurfacing. I’m worried about what we don’t know, and my biggest question of the last few months is – if pornography consumption can become an addiction, could pornography creation? Is there going to be a segment of today’s 25-year-old OnlyFans creators who are still making the stuff at 45, or 55, because they can’t stop? When somebody is told they are beautiful and are given money, it’s just a business transaction for many creators – for others, it’s affirmation. Some of the cam girls I talked to in writing my last book talked about how great the money is, but how they feel like better people now because of the ego boost it has given them. How is that not just a shot of dopamine? I’m guessing the thinking goes something like: I want to be called beautiful. The people who call be beautiful have seen all of my content. I must make more, so I do. They call me beautiful and give me $10 each. Dopamine hit.

I always say that we have been mostly reactive to pornography addiction in the interviews I give and we need to be proactive. We now have 20-25 years of data of what Internet pornography consumption can do to a population and we’re just scratching the surface of learning the fallout. We have no data on pornography creation. It’s only really a few months old as a mainstream phenomenon.

And what about those who do stop? Could they develop PTSD, disassociation, depression or other mental health issues years or decades after they’re no longer making porn? Will we have a significant percentage of future generations walking around with regret and shame for what they did? Could this be a cause of future trauma? It seems likely…but we just don’t know.

I miss interacting with real people at libraries, schools or other places that I’ve given presentations about pornography addiction, but I’m seriously wondering if I now have to start throwing the idea out there that pornography addiction could potentially extend to the creators. I offer no judgment, shame or any negative feelings to anybody who consumes or produces pornography, but have we just simply discovered the other side to the porn addiction consumer coin?

Guest Post: There’s More on the Other Side of the Camera than Sex

By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, C-CSAS, CPCS

“I have something I need to tell you,” said Daryl, a 32-year-old client who has been watching pornography since he was 13 and recently lost his job after being caught viewing it on his company phone. “The reason I have struggled to stop watching porn is because I like it. I’m ashamed to admit that to you but I genuinely enjoy watching pornography.”

My response to Daryl was a simple one, “thank you for being courageous to share that with me. I appreciate your honesty.”

But my heart sunk as I thought what porn was doing to him and his peers, as well as thousands of women who have been used by the industry. I can understand Daryl’s feelings about porn because it provides extreme stimulation.

But it comes at a price.

“People need to understand,there are
REAL WOMEN on the other side of the camera.”

Pornography is slowing eroding our society.  It is ruining the lives of women who find themselves in front of a camera engaging in sexual and degrading acts they could never imagine doing when they were young and innocent girls.

Men like Daryl are getting their thrills by objectifying and using women (and men) whose dreams and inspirations as a children did not include being porn actors.  

I often ask men who tell me they see nothing wrong with porn, “tell me the time you met that 12-year-old girl and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. And she did not say a ballerina, a doctor, or an artist, but instead told you “I want to take my clothes off in front a camera and have sex with strange men and women.”

I have yet to have a man admit they have met this young girl. Why? Because she does not exist! But even if they do stumble across her, I can guarantee someone(s) have hurt her very, very badly.

People need to understand, there are REAL WOMEN on the other side of the cameras. Women who often need to medicate themselves before the lights go on and the filming begins. Women who have been groomed, enticed, and sometimes forced into engaging in pornographic activities.
They are women who have suffered mental, emotional and physical anguish at the hands of men in the porn industry who are concerned with one thing – making money. And they make money off the backs of these women, as well as the men and women who consume it.  It is an industry that produces blood money gained by abusing people.

Much research has been done, and stories told, demonstrating how pornography destroys lives. Whether it is the individuals on camera, or consumers whose porn use results in relational issues, sexual dysfunctions, isolation, or legal consequences.   

Euphoria Turns to Despair

Despite the level of enjoyment porn brings for those who watch, one day it will all end. The euphoric feelings turn to shame and disgust. The sexual excitement shifts to sexual frustration. The sense of engagement becomes isolation, loneliness, and despair.   
So, let us hear what else Daryl had to say during our session after admitting he enjoyed watching pornography. “I’m sitting here today because I have come to understand porn is ruining my life,” he commented. “I have lost a job I love, and my wife is repulsed by what I have done. We may end up divorced. I hate what I have become.

“Plus, I now understand that I am victimizing the women who are part of the porn industry,” he continued. “I have two young daughters and to think they could get caught up in that filth makes me sick.”

Daryl, like many others who have been on the hamster wheel of pornography, has come full circle in his thinking about the stimulant that has rocked his world and caused his crash. Like millions of men who have had their awakening, he no longer professes an enjoyment for porn, but instead realizes it is a cancer that can destroy everything he loves.

Have you experienced the negative consequences porn brings? Or perhaps luckily you have not reached that point yet.  But there is a way out of the cesspool, however, it is not a battle you can win by yourself.  It will require you to be courageous enough to step out in faith to seek help and support.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor and certified in the treatment of sexual and pornography addiction. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities.

He is the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process for the Treatment of Sex and Porn Addiction www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com.  He is also author of the book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction.”

 He is the administrator of the websites http://www.menagainstporn.org and www.SexuallyPureMen.com and over the years, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society. He is the host of a monthly webcast entitled: Getting to the Other Side: Helping Couples Navigate the Road to Recovery.

Please Take This 2-Minute Survey to Help Me Design My TED Talk about Pornography

Many of you were super helpful to me a few months back when I needed to come up with a title for the TEDx Talk I’ll be giving in December in Hartford, Conn. I’m back to ask you for a little more help.

The talk is only 15 minutes, but I probably have 3 hours of material. I need to hone things to a smaller message, but since I’m always talking to people about pornography addiction, it’s difficult for me to know exactly what people are interested in hearing in small doses.

It would be awesome if you could take 2 minutes, click on this link and fill out the Google survey that I’ve created that will allow me to figure out how to narrow down my presentation.

Thank you very much. I’ll share these results at some point on here. And of course, feel free to share the survey, the more feedback I get the better I can make the presentation.

You can find the survey at:
https://forms.gle/zKHHgeYKuzSGe1z37